summer reads

i finished my first book for fun of reading season (the last day of exams to the first day of classes) yesterday. i soul sang.

this year's inauguration into joyful reading: persepolis by marjane satrapi.

read it.

now.

i am not kidding.

i am not usually a fan of comics and/or graphic novels (what is the difference?... see? i plead ignorance) but i have a friend how is a HUGE fan. he occasionally passes me some fantastic reads. this was one of them.

satrapi shows me why i should be a huge fan of this genre. her story is compelling, but it is heightened and deepened by her images. some of the power of the narrative cannot be felt with out her often haunting images. she is a true artist of both word and image. the immense suffering she describes, the moral struggles her characters undertake, often need the pictures, their expression and their ambiguity to bring her audience into the story.

i have spent the year theorizing suffering, theorizing God, theorizing art, and here, in this beautiful book, she weaves a story that more authentically speaks about all three then most of the scholarship i have read in the last few months.

refreshing.

read maus, vol. 1 & 2. also brilliant.

making transitions, not saying good-bye

sunday evening, with Rev. Dr. D. Mark Wilson's benediction, the PSR academic year came to a close. with this, my life is in transition. i am no longer girl intern at mission bay community church. i am no longer in class, a state of being which always makes me feel like i am floating through life with no direction (when not employed full time as an alternative to class). many of my friends are moving, either for the summer or for life.

this makes me sad. to say otherwise would be to lie. i thrive on change and growth but dread and fear it all the same. i have been surprised to find "family" in california, but that family will not look the same next week. i have been surprised to find deep community in california, but my part in that has to change. it is hard to admit what all this has meant to me and i am not sure why. when i preached for the last time on sunday, it was difficult... not for all the reasons that it usually is, but because of the way i felt invested in this community and the sense of saying good-bye.

and yet new exciting things await. i am traveling some this summer... i am making art this summer. i will be learning, but in different ways. i will begin a new journey.

so i am not saying good-byes. i refuse. i am making transitions.

grey's authority

so i am stuck on this "authority" issue. it keep cropping up. how do i take my authority as a person, yada yada yada.

well, grey's anatomy tonight was all about learning to take authority. izzy knew what she needed to do with a patient but wanted bailey to do it for her. finally bailey laid it out--you don't need me to do this, you have what you need, just do it. she did. george couldn't find his authority since he failed his intern exam. he lost all confidence in his work. tonight, he asked for the second chance he felt he deserved--and got it. meredith is all over the professional authority, doing surgeries she is not authorized to do and lying about it (yes, i know this is just a show), but struggled with personal authority. she finally tells derrick that she wants him. she has worked and is working on herself and wants him.

i think this is a fairly common transition in figuring out how to be an adult. as we get skills, find identity, move in new ways, we have to figure out how to be that ourselves in a new way. we are trying to figure out how to wear our new skin. taking our authority is figuring out how to be our best selves and giving that to the world. sometimes this means stepping up. sometimes it means asking for help--cause we don't know it all, and are often deeply aware of our ignorance.

today, i emailed some of the staff at church to get opinions about preaching this weekend. i believe more heads are better than one. and yet, i think i was really just looking for affirmation, and as soon as i sent the email, i realized that. i was taking baby steps i needed to just stand up. their response was the response i expected, the conclusion i came to myself.

if anyone needs to learn to respect my authority, it is me.

you know you are an artist when...

you see your work permanently tatooed on someone's foot.

i get a lot of flack for not accepting my "authority" as an artist and a minister. well, folks, today i accepted authority. i woke up, made a drawing, took it to a shop, and said, "here, put this on her foot. forever." if that is not exercising artistic authority, i don't know what is.

my dear friend kelly, whose foot is in the picture, seemed happy to have a committee to give her opinions. she has no idea how in awe i was as i watch this drawing permanently added to her figure... and my awe at her trust to surrender her body tot he art of another. it was and is daunting. and yet thrilling. my work is in the world. my work is meaningful. this is what i will carry with me this summer as i continue to explore how to exist as artist and minister at the same time.

happy graduation kelly. you will be dearly missed by your family in oakland.

in the words of cartman... respect my authori-ta!

critics

there is a sex and the city episode where carrie gets her book review in the new york times, and it is fantastic. the same week, she receives criticism from a stranger regarding a relationship. what feedback does she take to heart? the negative feedback. the question of the episode...why do we only listen to our worst reviews.

i am in the process of gathering feedback about my internship experience at mission bay. i am asking people those questions that feel so scripted... what are my strengths? what are my weaknesses? how have you seen me change? etc. etc. etc... and am busy sorting through the answers. we have talked quite a bit in field education about constructive criticism and using feedback. this week, i feel like carrie, only listening to my worst reviews.

what is with that? i wallow in an exam that i could have done better on and quickly forget the exam where i did my best and my work was reflected in the grade.

i think this may be a legacy of calvin and total depravity that i am not to happy to have received from my ancestors. i think the humility that jesus called us to and that paul constantly reminded us about is about being honest with yourself about yourself, both the good and the bad.

i will work on that this week, as i wrap up all of these tasks (interning, preaching, papers, etc.) that are sure to be evaluated...

hallelujah! i have some reading to do

despite the heat, it is a day to party in san francisco.

the california supreme court just overturned a state law that banned same-sex marriage, saying that constitutionally, all couples have the right to marry.

within thirty days, gay and lesbian couples will be able to MARRY in california.

thank God.

within minutes, the entire decision was available online (it is over one hundred pages... gotta love technology) and i want to read it. i have made it through three pages.

this puts the church in california in an interesting position, and puts clergy in an even more interesting position. PCUSA says you can't marry a same-sex couple. you could do another ceremony not approximating marriage, but no marriage. this was less of an issue when all that was available was domestic partnership. will the clergy who believe in same sex marriage step up? can they really bring charges against everyone if hundreds of marriages happen?

and then there is the question of ordination. if it is now possible to live in fidelity in marriage, can the church hold its ground in excluding the GLBTQ community from ministry?

i hope and i pray that this is only the beginning and that we see changes in other states and within in the church.

free to practice?

ann curry interviewed members of the FLDS church in Texas where the huge raid was carried out last month. one mother interviewed has not seen her sons in 37 days and has only seen her daughters once in that time.

this interview used questions from the public that were emailed to the today show. so, after asking the members of the community for a definition of abuse, ann asked, "if you knew there was abuse happening on the ranch, would you do something to stop it?"

that question is demeaning and condescending. a basic human assumption we make about each other is that we will stop suffering if we can. we tend to think of people who are equal to us as good people who would never stand for something like abuse. so why then is it an appropriate question to ask these FLDS parents if they would stop abuse?

i do not agree with much, if any, of the theology of the FLDS church (what I know of it) and certainly a lot of their practices. i do not know how to feel about the raid. but, i hate to see people demeaned for their faith. there is this cultural assumption that people who believe anything outside the religious norm (this is different depending on where you are) are stupid. i felt like ann talked to these parents like they were stupid. of course they would stop abuse. if you push them, they are not going to change their minds and admit it. and even if they wouldn't stop abuse, they would not admit that on national television.

in this country, in public, it is still okay to treat people differently based on their religious beliefs. why?