DR installment three

day four...

bible school was utterly overwhelming. singing and storytelling went well, but by the time we got supplies out, there were so many kids (150?) sitting in every available space that there was not even room to walk in the room. i found myself suddenly swamped with kids grabbing and yelling, and me without words to respond. if they so intently wanted a few ribbons, how much more intense was their need for necessities--food, safety, love? in that moment of being physically confined by a crowd of small children, yelling my name, hanging on my arms and my back, dozens of hands grabbing, i saw and felt the crushing pressure of poverty in communities like las flores... and the pressure i could empathize with was probably a small fraction of what these children and their parents feel.

maria told us that in the fields where most of the people in las flores who can work do, they get paid about 200 pesos a day (about $9) but food of a family of five is about 500 pesos. if there is no work that day, most families go without food.

on the way home...

the last few days were filled with intense activity and illness (i caught a cold or sinus infection that knocked me out a bit). the last day of bible school went much better than the day before (there were significantly fewer kids) and we closed the week with a baseball game with men from the community. thankfully it was not americanos vs. domincanos, but rather they split us up and we had fun. we had a closing ceremony in las flores that wrapped up the week in prayer and more play time with the kids.

for me, this summer is about discerning a way to be as opposed to what to do. the thing is, the kids who i spent the week with and asked if i was coming back, the women who opened their homes to us, they know nothing of what i "do." all that matters is that i am there, sharing in God's love with them.

i saw last week how the greatest act of worship is to embody the love that God gives us.

this experience is digging deep into my heart and is one that i will ponder for a long time to come.

DR installment two

day two

i discovered that you can sling dirt and cut rebar with anyone, regardless of similar language or similar theology. this must be remembered much beyond this trip. if i can build a house, or even teach vacation bible school, with people whose theology is different than mine, can i help build a church with people whose theology is different than mine?

day three

that morning, i was privileged to visit the homes of six families in las flores with another member of my team and the our fabulous translator. the purpose of the home visit is to support the families through prayer, trying to meet more than just the community's physical needs.

preventable tragedy that was the result of systemic poverty and a lack of clean water broke my heart. las flores now has access to clean water, but for so long did not. one of the women we visited had ten children, only four of whom survived to adulthood. one of the girls that we met suffered from a parasite, like heart worm with think, in her heart that kept her form doing anything. it was treated with medicine, treatment made possible by food for the hungry... but an illness that could be prevented.

one of the women also told us that she loves when we come because we bring such joy to the children, because we can love them better than they can. my teammate said it was the love of God we bring. i said it is easier to love for a week than a lifetime... something that feels increasingly true as i return home.

another woman noted that the women on the work teams inspire them to do jobs they didn't think women could do. and still there is not enough work for the community, and injuries and illness have kept some who used to work from being able to support their family. one man we met had an accident two years ago, survived a three month coma, and spent a year trying to learn to walk again (which he still does with great difficulty).

some people look at some of the situations and see miracles of God's healing. that may be true, but i (am i a pessimist? a realist? a cynic?) also see needless and preventable suffering that we shoudl work to combat as a part of building God's kingdom. that is our part of the covenant.

DR installment one

it is weird to be back in many ways. noises and distractions. the traffic. wider streets. no people on the streets. no one saying hello. and stuff, stuff, stuff.

a little background. northminster presby is the church i grew up in in cincinnati. they have been working with food for the hungry (and international organization) for ten years in the domincan republic, and i believe five years in the community of las flores, in costanza (in the mountains of the DR). over the course of the week, our team helped build two homes for people homeless b/c of hurricanes last year, ran four days of VBS for up to 150 children in the community, and visited 25 homes... all with the help of the people of constanza and las flores.

some thoughts from the trip...

day one:

we went to las flores at four for a "welcoming ceremony" and tour. the community expects the americanos every summer, and so the kids come pouring out of their homes to hold our hands as we walk around their community. my heart was broken by some of what i saw and overflowing by some of what i saw. we were welcomed with unbelievable love as borthers and sisters. and yet, everywhere i turned were signs of deep poverty. but hope... neighborhood organizations, reduced infant mortality rates, a recently completed library... envisioned and created by the community, and cooperation. the poverty is far beyond individual, it is part of a global system. what is my place in the system? how am i responsible or contribute to it?

if moses came down the mountain in the midst of my home communities, what idols would he see us worshiping and claiming not to know where they came from? money, capitalism, institutions, nationalism, self, power...? what idols am i unconsciously worshiping that i need to turn away from?

re-entry

as i flipped through the pictures i took in the DR with my mom, my heart grew sad. my voice sounded hollow and the pictures almost looked fake as i tried to tell the stories of the week. it paled next to the real experience, and i realized that the experience, even less than twenty four hours later, is starting to slip away.

i thought i would start by re-visiting my top ten lists... my expectations were more than a little off.

top ten things i thought will be challenging about the week:
1. the bugs
2. the heat... we were at an altitude that was fairly comfortable! lots of sweat but beautifully cool nights...
3. making friends... always a way that God's work surprises me.
4. communicating across a language barrier... the most communicating i did was with kids under the age of ten. a lot gets across without words.
5. serving with folks whose theology is different than mine... turns out to shovel dirt, pound nails, or even teach bible school and pray, your theology does not have to totally line up with your partners' theologies.
6. the bugs
7. latrines... didn't have to use one!
8. i am outta shape... physical labor here i come!... which was more embarrassing? awkward shoveling and hammering or a baseball game with domicanos (who play all the time, are in shape, and let's just say can hit the ball... more than i can do). baseball for sure.
9. the bugs
10. the bugs... so in the mountains, the bugs are not nearly as bad as i thought they would be (or as they are in other parts of the country). i only had one incident with a very large bug in the bathroom. and on a hike i got some killer bites that were not mosquitoes. they still itch.

top ten things i was excited about:
1. time with God... being away to "spend time with God" helped clarify how i do spend time with God everyday.
2. communicating across a language barrier... even i can pick up a few words in a week. i feel motivated to try to work on spanish.
3. working with kids (love it!)... both the easiest and hardest thing all week. more later.
4. the heat... i love feeling the warmth of the sun, and sometimes miss that in the bay area.
5. the company... i got to know the church that i grew up at in a new and exciting way.
6. learning to work with folks whose theology is different than mine...
7. not being in charge... for a week, i went were i was told to go when i was told to go there. it was glorious. and i had so much to learn from my teammates.
8. time... without so much "clutter" in my life, i had time to draw, read, play games. i must work on that.
9. no internet... new rule. no internet on vacation. and i should take at least a half day internet vacation once a week. what a relief. made it so much easier to be present on the trip. (internet was available but i resisted).
10. making friends... i hope this week is just the foundation of friendships that stretch across the country and beyond, with people similar to and different than me, and with entire communities. i learned in an all new way what in means to believe in an incarnated, in-relationship God.

there is hope in the ways that God works without us knowing it. i hope that this piece of my journey is woven into the fabric of my life in a way that brings me closer to God's call for me and my place in building God's kingdom.

mission for who?

tomorrow morning at 3:45 am (no, i am not a morning person... keep in mind too that that is eastern time, and i am not sure my body has adjusted yet...) i will be at church, pack on my back, piling into a van to drive to the cincinnati airport in kentucky, to bounce all over the country and the caribbean before landing in the dominican republic.

if i sound like i am complaining, i probably am, not an admirable way to start a "mission" trip.

top ten things i think will be challenging about the week:
1. the bugs
2. the heat
3. making friends
4. communicating across a language barrier
5. serving with folks whose theology is different than mine
6. the bugs
7. latrines
8. i am outta shape... physical labor here i come!
9. the bug
10. the bugs

top ten things i am excited about:
1. time with God
2. communicating across a language barrier
3. working with kids (love it!)
4. the heat
5. the company
6. learning to work with folks whose theology is different than mine
7. not being in charge
8. time
9. no internet
10. making friends

the funny thing about these kinds of trips, i am don't think i am alone in this sentiment, is that i get as much and generally more than i give out of the experience. in my quest to learn, live and embody micah 6:8 this summer and in my greater journey, this trip feels like a big step. so though fearful of the unknown and of insects of unusual size, here i go.

though i won't be posting while i am gone (unless i can sneak into an internet cafe when in santo domingo) i imagine there will be a plethora of posts as soon as i get home cataloguing the experience.

going home

back in the midwest, i was glad to drive through corn fields the other day. it was oddly comforting.

and last i drove to an ice cream shop where i wasted hours upon hours hanging out (my best friend in high school worked there) to meet a good friend i have known since i was thirteen.i took less than five minutes to drive there from my parents house... with traffic.

i used to think that was so far away.

geographically and metaphorically... it used to be a small world for me. i can't believe the way it has expanded in the last two years since i have lived in california, the last three since i graduated from college, the last seven since i finished high school and the last eleven since i started high school. whew!

and yet, coming back home know involves a kind of culture shock as well. i go to a church event i find myself one of three out of ten under the age of forty-five. i crave fresh produce and salad that i eat all the time in cali. i roll my eyes when i drive a distance that in downtown oakland would be absolutely silly not to walk.

and from here, i will embark on another journey saturday morning, to the dominican republic. in someways, it is a journey home as i will be spending a week with folks who i remember from church when i was little, folks who played softball with my dad, whose kids i went to high school with. in some ways it will be a vacation, because i have no leadership role, no responsibility, the details have been covered and had nothing to do with me... a long time since i took a "mission" trip where that was the case. and in someways it is a retreat, a chance to spend real, intentional time with God... time i should make more room for in my daily life but have a hard time doing.

the fab four

this afternoon i saw them much anticipated (in may life anyway) sex and the city movie. i was once asked by someone who knows me quite well, why... if i don't necessarily buy into the labels and the fashion and the "stuff" sex and the city revolves around... do i like it so much?

carrie came out and said it in the movie. "why are we able to write our own vows but not our own rules?" sex and the city is one of the few places in pop culture where the nuance of what women can be allows us to write our own rules.

i know that is many ways it also re-inscribes rules about gender and sex that do damage to people as well... but i am of the camp that little if anything is life is all good... so i will look for the good where i can get it.

so i am off to write my own rules.

in solidarity...

so i will not be in the bay area sunday for the AIDS walk... which i am starting to get a feeling is a major sin in my church (if we have any).

so in solidarity, sunday i will take a walk in the dominican republic... i can't guarantee length or any of that, but my heart will be in it and my spirit will be in sf with 25,000 other walkers.

here is where you come in.

click here to donate to our team... every little bit counts.

AIDS is a fight we can win, and in the bay it happens one step at a time.

does john lasseter have a facebook fan club?

i am a sucker for pixar movies. i am not joking when i say if i thought they would hire me, i would drop everything and even empty their garbage (can you imagine the art in their garbage cans?)... john lasseter is my hero.

last week, i heard a sermon on the love chapter in first corinthians, and yet i learned more about love from a animated robot. wall*e thought beyond himself, to the needs of another, and the needs of the greater good, even when he had the chance not to. it was love.

and if you have not seen it yet, make sure to check out the credits. an art history lesson for the cost of a movie ticket (cheaper than my college tuition...) that dispells any ideas that the boys and girls who play at pixar all day long are not artists.

just be

i have the privilege of working with a group called youth spirit artworks to develop ways that they could partner with students at the graduate theological union. ysa works with youth in south and west berkeley, through berkeley technical high school, to make art... selling it so the students make money, and guiding them in finding their voice and creativity. doing this "research" has taught me soo much i feel blessed to have the opportunity.

as i wondered what to do with this summer (this being one of the projects i am DOing), it was all about what i could do, do, do. and then i reflect on how a large part of living god's call to just... that loving kindness walking humbly bit... is simply about being. being presence. being love.

this is something i am terrible at.

i have so much to "do" all the time (entirely my fault, by the way) that if i am no "do"-ing, i feel useless, unproductive, and simply not valuable to myself or others. and yet, when i think of the real places i have "value" in life... as a friend, as a family member, as a community member, the valued part comes from just being.

as i try to spend time with youth spirit artworks, the challenge for me is just being. not having to be painting. not having to be interviewing. not having to lead. simply being with the students, and being with the program.

the summer is half over. i am about to leave on a mission trip (another place RIPE for possibilities and opportunities to practice this just being thing) but there is still time to try to be and not do.

final GA reflections

do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with your God.

rev. diane l. givens-moffett preached at worship on the last friday of general assembly. her words have been with me ever since:
"courage is born from a deep seated commitment to God's call, not just in the sweet by and by but in the nasty here and now."

what does the commitment mean for me? i am in the process of discovering this, but have a new understanding of the "public" role of pastoring. this does not mean you are a spoke person, or a representative for some community, but rather that you are deeply engaged in communities that you are a part of--and communities that are different from yours. that humble walk is not about you but about God, and as such should be filled with compassion.

it is common to assume that any kind of public role requires a "thick skin." things will be said and done that are probably hurtful to anyone in any kind of community engagement. to the extent that a thick skin means that i do not take things personally, it is a good. but, to the extent that it kills, suppresses or covers up the compassion and love that flows from creation by God and relationship with God, a thick skin is not a good. Parker Palmer helped me to realize that i can deeply engage in the public life and retain my "softness"... there are other ways to protect my selfhood. but, as rev. givens-moffett reminded me, it is a walk, a journey that requires significant courage.

i find myself back in a "church" job and working in new capacities within the domination. i have new opportunities to engage in my communities, as well as new needs for courage to make that engagement possible. here i go!

first african baptist church, savannah

a story of true faith and the power of non-violent love...

the first african baptist church in savannah was (calls itself... they may be others clambering for the title) the first african american congregation in the united states. the second pastor, rev. bryan, preached what he felt called by God to preach. at the time, though masters and other whites "allowed" slaves to preach, they heavily monitored the content of the sermons. of course, they did not want anyone to preach freedom. the rev. bryan preached what he wanted... and paid dearly for it. he was taken to franklin square in savannah and beaten publicly. he swore he would die before he would stop preaching the gospel. the judge in charge of his case was so moved that he allowed rev. bryan to preach whatever he wanted outside of the city limits. in order to not lose control, the judge still sent deputies to spy on his prayer meetings. when they deputies reported back, they said the rev. was praying for the men who beat him. as a result, the rev. bryan was given permission to preach in the city limits again.

this story, told within the walls of this historic church, bought with money slaves saved to buy their freedom and donated instead, built over four years by slaves who could only work at night, over a basement that housed slaves on the underground railroad, in front of a pulpit MLK jr. once preached from, gave me an entirely new perspective on what it means to be prophetic and faithful.