Open to the holy spirit?

This evening was the SF Presbytery meeting. For all those non presby-geeks out there, I go because I enjoy the community. My membership is in Cincinnati, but I will not have a vote at Presbytery until (if and when) I am ordained. Then my membership will move to where I work.

On the docket tonight: a constitutional amendment (known as 08-B) that is making the presbytery rounds for approval. The amendment would remove and change the language that excludes GLBTQ people from ordination (as deacons, elders and ministers).

At first, I was deeply impressed with SF Presbytery for not only putting the votes on GA amendments in worship (book-ended by scripture and communion)... and with aiming for a process that humanized the conflicts and dissension within the presbytery by asking people to process and discuss in small groups (of voices they do not hear). But the first thing they voted on in regards to these issues was process and they voted to eliminate small group discussion... a sign to me that this presbytery is not interested in listening to each other.

The process agreed upon was a pre-selected panel of six (three in support, three opposing) followed by silence and a ballot vote. This is not the standard presbytery process (which includes open mic time and voice votes before ballots).

Four of six speakers on the panel were men, one was a person if color. More ministers than elders. Can we really talk about radical inclusion with integrity when that is the case?

Highlights of the speakers that stood out to me:

In support of the amendment, noted were places where biblical authority has come to new understandings... Slavery, women's leadership, inclusion of those with disabilities, interracial marriage. Grace filled understanding of moral evolution and interpretation of scripture is the example if Jesus himself.

Against amendment B, speaking to flaws in proposed amendment rather than inclusiveness of ordination. The words are not strong enough to be true to ordination vows. Reform as return, not progress.

An elder from MBCC spoke in favor of the amendment. He is our eldest elder and was amazing. He spoke about family, from his experience. He asked who is not here... something everyone else missed. He challenged the fairness of deciding this issue without being able to here from the GLBTQ folks who are a part of our communities. We don't let folks speak for themselves. He also noted the way that conflict is causing the church to lose credibility in wider society. (and made a slick Will and Grace reference).

Next person against framed the issue as not just about polity or theology but as deeply personal. He said after serious soul searching and he realized he must submit to authority of scripture around "God's design for human sexuality in the bible"... all of it.

Aside: I cannot buy, as a young woman, even a straight one, that the "scriptural" picture of sexuality is God's design for human sexuality. Scriptural understandings of human sexuality allow for the ownership of women in sexual relationships and polygamy. Our church does not pretend to practice a Scriptural understanding of sexuality... at least as far as I understand the Bible and the PC(USA) position.

I lost steam for taking notes by the last two speakers, but fear stood out for me, as did the assumption that ambiguity is always bad and painful.

Hymn sing while ballots are counted. Yes, no or abstain were the options.

Here is what amazes me about presbytery meetings. And perhaps this is my newness, my naivete, or maybe this is what we hope presbytery to be... but even having "lost," there were times in the process that I felt the Spirit, and that there seemed to be that sincere efforts at being the one body of Christ amidst a diversity of opinions.

That said, I was not as confident as some that SF would support the amendment, but I still thought "hey, with all these places like (insert presbytery you assume in more "conservative" than SF here) changing the spirits on minds on this amendment, SF will certainly go." Surprise!

And yet, I experience grace and support at presbytery. Even as a seminarian. Who is not under care here. Who doesn't go to the local Presbyterian seminary. I feel accepted and supported as a colleague by people I am proud to learn from. My experiences of fellowship at these presbytery mtgs. over the last eighteen months give me hope and enthusiasm for participating in such bodies in my future ministry... actively. engaged in the "institution." never expected that. never thought i would LIKE presbytery meetings. Surprise!

So, do we only "feel the Spirit" when we think we are going to win?