sermon in a box

i was supposed to get home last night to be able to preach at a friend's church at 11 am this morning. alas, this was not to be as bad weather somewhere in the country screwed up southwest's flights everywhere in the country. and so, after posting, this sermon will go in a box for another time. here is what i had:

the nines for Christmas, led us past a man on his knees. In the posture of penance, he begged for the spare change of people who were throwing hundreds of dollars at corporate retailers--and he knew it. In my polite white anglo-saxon protestant nature, never wanting to be a rubbernecker, I side stepped him, knowing I had no change in my pocket. His clear voice rang out above the din of the shoppers, the voice of a prophet, maybe even the voice of God with us, "you can shove your bags in my face, but you can't give me change."

I sidestepped God tonight. I should know better.

Anna and Simeon did not sidestep God. They did not fail to recognize divinity in the most fragile of human forms. They listened to God, were in touch with the Holy Spirit, and so knew the Christ child when the saw him.

We rarely focus on these two characters in the Christmas story. They come after the shepherds, the manger, and all the other accoutrements of the scene that looks so nice represented on a Christmas card or on an ornament on our Christmas tree. I imagine that most of you could tell the story of Jesus being born in a manger and being visited by the angels in your own words, from knowledge deep in your heart, but probably few of you could tell this story. And yet, Anna and Simeon have so much to teach us about our relationship to the Christ.

The story opens with Mary and Joseph, proud and beaming parents, going through the religious rituals proscribed by their culture upon the birth of their first son. These are the exact same rituals that all new parents would go through. Nothing would have distinguished them from the crowd at the temple giving offerings. To the common observer, the would have looked just like any other young, first time parents—probably a little worn around the edges from the sleepless nights, but imbued with a joy that could not be suppressed even by the most sleepless of nights. But, somehow Simeon picked them out of the crowd.

What do we know about Simeon? Very little. He was religious and devout. He was so connected to the Holy Spirit that he believed he would see the Christ before he died. His friends probably thought him crazy. His family probably did too. They may have known about the prophecies of the Christ, but to assume that you have heard from God that you yourself would see the Christ? But he did. He waited, he found the Christ child, he prophesied about him to his parents, and then he was at peace with God.

Mary and Joseph marveled at what was said about him. They were new parents. They were probably still marveling at the way he yawned, he way he showed them he was hungry, the way he cuddled up on their chest and fell asleep. And in the midst of those tiny miracles, this man, how had never seen the child, who was without the benefit of the visit of angels or shepherds, was recognizing divinity in this small child. He recognized a Savior.

And then they encounter Anna. Luke’s description of her is more full than his description of Simeon. Anna is a widow, who has been without a husband much longer than she was ever with a husband. We know from other parts of the Bible that often widows were among the most helpless in Biblical society. They had no way of supporting themselves. If they were able to go back to their father’s home, they may find familial support, but not all widows could make it back. And so without a family to devote herself to, this widow devoted herself to God. She spent all of her time in the temple, worshipping, fasting and praying.

One thing stands out to me about Anna. While Simeon was told—directly by the Holy Spirit—that he would not die until seeing the Christ, his savior, Anna did not have the benefit of such a prophecy. She didn’t know she was looking for God manifest in an infant. She did not expect to see Emmanuel. But, she saw him anyway. She recognized him, out of the blue, wrapped in his loving mother’s arms. And her response was one of gratitude to God for this tiny child. But she did not stop there. She spoke the good news of this child to all who needed it. She preached about her encounter with Emmanuel, her experience of God with us, to all who needed redemption in Jerusalem.

Often when I look back at things that happened in my life—this incident with the man in downtown San Francisco, time of pain and fear over health crises in my family, healed relationships, that sort of thing—I think I can recognize God. In hindsight, I can see how God was working. But, Anna and Simeon did not need hindsight. They recognized Jesus while in his presence. They knew they were in front of the Christ just by looking at him. And so I am left to wonder how I can recognize the Christ and respond, right there on the spot and they did.

(questions I would have asked...) What stands out about Anna and Simeon that may have helped them to recognize this tiny baby as the Christ, the savior of Israel and all God’s people?

What can we do to recognize Jesus in our midst?

What is your response when you do recognize Jesus?

If I had recognized the presence of Jesus in that man that I walked around in San Francisco, what might I have done?

How are our lives changed when we recognize Jesus for what he is as Anna and Simeon did?

The passage from Isaiah that we read this morning guides us in thinking about one way we may respond to encountering the goodness of God. The end of chapter 61 describes that goodness, but in the beginning of chapter 6, the writer responds to what God has done. And it is a fairly simple response: he or she cannot keep quiet.

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,

for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,

till her righteousness shines out like the dawn,

her salvation like a blazing torch.

Just like Anna, after an encounter with Emmanuel, we cannot keep quiet. We must proclaim the good news that we have heard, seen and experienced. We must share the love of God that we experienced through Jesus with others, until it shines out like the dawn.

But, lets go back to this incident on the sidewalk. Preaching at this man would probably have not been the right response. Standing next to him and preaching at the crowd would probably have not been effective either. Proclaiming the gospel is not always done directly or with words. I could have found money to put in his cup. I could have stopped, dug through my pockets and given him what I found. Or, I could have simply stopped and recognized him, his plight and his needs. Given him a smile. Wished him merry Christmas. Told him I hoped it would get better and that I would pray for him, despite have nothing to give. Even without money, with the love of God, there is always something to give.

And so this Christmas my Christmas hope: that I can learn from Anna and Simeon, that I can cultivate a life of worship and prayer, so that when I encounter Emmanuel, I can respond right then and there, as God calls me to.

the art of racing in the rain

The body and the mind are seamlessly who we are. The body and mind are equally important in our identity. To truly believe in God with us, a God embodied in humanity, is to also accept this truth about ourselves. To live in faith, to walk with God with us, we must live in and from both our body and our mind. I have always favored the mind. I cultivate it, please it, train it, teach it, rest it, care for it, value it. It is the part of me that I always felt defined me and so I favored it, seeing my body often a weaknesses, am impediment, something to be overcome or ignored.

But this Christmas, as I live with the appearance of God in the most vulnerable human form, a story, a narrative, a popular novel, showed me this truth and this flaw in my faith.
In The Art of Racing in the Rain, Enzo understands the fluidity of body and mind, the finds that to truly live is to live into that truth, surpassing the ego when harmony is achieved. Only then can you race in the rain.

The timing of this story showed me how little I trust my body, how I abuse my body, how I refuse to listen to it and even fight it. I should work with my body, cultivate it as I cultivate my mind, and consider it an asset, rather than an obstacle. This is a matter of faith. In I cannot trust my body, which I believe God made, how can I believe in and follow a God who was and is embodied? How can I learn to walk on this planet as Emmanuel did if I cannot acknowledge the physicality of that walk?

That first night, Jesus slept. His tiny, fragile, new body needed rest, just as my body needs rest now. He sighed, cried, breathed as I do. Without these and many more physical actions, he could not have been the spiritual being he was. Without these and many more physical actions, I cannot be the spiritual being I am called to be.

christmas question

what i shall ponder during christmas...
what does it mean that the prince of peace is Emmanuel... God with us?

advent journeys

i started advent in hopes of writing everyday, taking time out, slowing down and spending time with God, waiting.

i am still waiting. the eve of christmas, though bringing us the Christ child, does not bring me what i wait for... or does it? i long for direction, for stability, for a path to follow Jesus that i understand. what i miss that in this process of discernment, i am there, even as i try to get there.

the art of racing in the rain is a book written from the perspective of a dog named enzo (ironically the name of my parents' dog) whose owner in a race car driver talented at racing on wet tracks. from this trade, enzo has learned that to be in the present moment is often the way to best deal with the past and the future. this is what is required to race in the rain, without fear, with confidence and hope.

the insights of this dog teach me about my own journey. i can't get so busy looking ahead, afraid of what will come, that i miss where i am what i am doing, and am unable to react clearly to the bumps in the road.

if i sit in the stability of being on a journey, moving forward, if i find God in the movement, if i understand the ways that the Word is made flesh in the process, i can keep moving, even when i feel like i am still in advent, always waiting, and not quite there yet.

tail or wings?

sitting around a kitchen table tonight, in a spot that i have occupied on and off for well over a decade, i debated whether the appropriate choice for an additional appendage would be a tail or wings.  what would be the benefits and function of each?  how would they look?  the father of the house noted that we should not be drinking wine.  we should be drinking coke.  we should not be twenty-six, we should be eleven.

once or twice a year now, i have the pleasure of being with the other three quarters of the fearsome foursome all at once.  friends since middle school (one i have be bff's with since kindergarten), we are scattered and never seem to occupy the same places two years in a row.  we are sisters and friends.   we are a part of each others families.  we have laughed and cried. been to weddings and funerals.  picked each other up from falling apart. laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.  

i learned love from my family.  but i learned that you could choose to love people, long term, from these most fabulous ladies.  there have been rough patches, big and small petty and dramatic, but it is in that circle where i pounded out my identity.  sometimes, these three ladies bore the brunt of that process... and they kept on loving me anyway.  they didn't have to.  we are not related. i don't have to see them at christmas or the awkward family function.  it would be easy to drift apart or break up, as happens with friends from long ago life stages.  but we haven't.  here we sit, each moving at different paces in different directions (with equal passion and verve) but all having paused to breathe each other's air, be recharged, to keep on keepin' on.  they helped me discover who i am... gifts and liabilities, pretty and ugly... and keep shaping me today.  

so in this week, when i ponder the love that brought God incarnate to walk among us, i experience that love around that table, in that circle as i carry it with my on my many sojourns.

i picked wings.  kelly picked a tail.  sarah can't imagine wanting a fifth appendage. and cathy is mystified that we brought it up at all.  i think there was eye rolling as well.

ethical dilemmas

everyday we are faced with ethical choices that we do not even recognize as such. we make value choices all day every day that honor life around us or do not... and often are not even aware that a choice was made. what we eat, what we wear, how we talk to each other, how we drive, how we entertain ourselves... all are either laden with dignity or not.

in that way, it is true that ignorance is bliss. when we don't know, we cannot feel guilty. we will not feel bad, we will not want to fight. and often the fight is hard.

today i went to the bodies exhibition. i went unsure of what to think or how to handle it. i had friends who had seen it and had mixed reviews. throughout the galleries, i moved quickly often reading more than looking at the specimens. but, each painful disease, each part, i wondered about the pain it caused to the life that it ended. i honestly wondered if the sum total of this exhibit would increase or decrease respect for life. i really didn't know.

then online, my intrepid husband reads up on it. what did we do before the internet. turns out there are serious concerns about the origin of the bodies and whether the people who died really gave permission for the display of their body. some may have been prisoners or other unidentified bodies. and an american corporation is making money on showcasing the remains of people who had no one to claim them, no one who loved them--or know one to claim or love them that knew they had died.

so in this season of advent, when i am looking for the word made flesh, i think i encountered it today, in the form of people who had died on displayed. if jesus is the least of these, jesus was there.

what do i do to correct it? what to do i do to right this wrong? how to i cultivate my own ethics, my respect for life, over and over again, so that i see the significance of those invisible moral choices everyday?

i am legend

the world is quieter now. we can listen.

i am legend was not quite the movie that i thought it would be. not into vampire, crazy people creatures, esp. when there is some story about how they were once people. i am sure that those things will haunt me in my dreams now.

but, there was a theological gem tucked inside. the story surrounds robert neville and his three year fight against this virus that has taken over humanity. when all hope seems lost, a woman and child find him. their appearance coincides with finding a cure to the virus that can heal the "vampires".

at one point, this woman says that God sent her. and God is sending her to vermont. Will Smith (mr. robert neville) says there is no God. she holds out that God is speaking and the world is quiet enough now for him to listen. he dies in a literal blaze of glory after giving the woman the cure ot the disease and charging her to save the world. he said he was listening now.

so the theological gem? he had been listening the whole time. he may not have known it, but he was listening the whole time. he had an intense rountine that kept him sane. his scientific approach to a problem of humanity tested, re tested and re tested a treatment with courage. this would not have been possible if amidst the craziness, he hadn't heard a voice telling him it was possible. in the movie, that voice is bob marley singing "three little birds" but i also think, given the theological dialogue in the movie, the repeated practically biblical references to dark and light, that it is not too much of a stretch to say he had been listening the whole time.

and that is why... he is legend.

or, it is what i want to see in the movie b/c it was just a little too freaky, it is advent and i am looking for the small voice of God wherever i can find it. who knows.

but, i just may sleep with the lights on.

context

landed in the midwest last night. a mere 24 hours later, i feel a little frustrated with myself.

i think i am a creature of habit more than i like to admit, but not in the ways that many people are. i don't have routines. i do not have to always have coffee or read the paper when i get up. i rarely get up at the same time each day. my schedule is too erratic. during the school year, no to days in a week look the same. and yet there are certain habits i have cultivated that keep me in a rhythm throughout the hecticness and randomness of my daily life.

i spend a lot of time alone in the car. takes me forty five minutes to get to school twice a week, next semester it will be three times a week (in january... five times a week). i live 20-30 minutes away from work, but sometimes, it is an hour commute in traffic. occasionally i go from school to work or vice versa and spend more than two hours in the car in a day.

this used to frustrate me, but i have found ways to spend that time well. often i sing. i have cds of songs that i love to croon to (some are jesus songs). i find music to be meditative... even when i am rocking out. singing usually leads to praying. and if that traffic is a moderate level of crazy, then by the time i get where i am going, i have re0charged what introvert batteries i have, spent some time with God, or prayed. california's cell phone law (only talk if hands free) has really helped this out.

i do not know how to translate those times and spaces when i am out of my routine. i do not know how to find space for myself, i don't know how to find time to pray, i do not know how to spend time with God.

i need to find a way to make that space wherever i go. i am inspired by the text that was the scripture for our sunday service:

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 thessalonians 5:16-18

prayer is connected to having joy. a sense of gratitude is connected to having joy. God wants us to be able to live in joy. but it takes work. i have to be willing to do the work adn find creative ways for me to do it... habits be damned.

as i am outta my routine for ten more days, let me know if you have any ideas, suggestions, admonitions, thoughts or whatever that may help.

joy to the world

we often tease that life is not all puppies, kittens and rainbows (esp. at snarky mbcc).

but sometimes, life is rainbows.

this week's advent theme is joy. the sermon, the candle lighting, and indeed the whole service on sunday focused on how joy is amidst struggle. as i was pondering this yesterday, i was driving through a winter "storm" in oakland. for those of you outside the bay area, when we say winter storm, we do no mean what the rest of the means. this is not blizzard condition, lake effect or otherwise, snow-falling-two-inches-an-hour-can't-see-past-my-headlights weather at all. we are talking heavy rain for part of the day, temperatures in the 40s, occasional hail and snow above 1000-1500 ft. not what i call a winter storm, but when in rome....

as i was rushing from one meeting to another, frustrated at drivers who don't know what to do in rain and furiously texting about my lateness, i was metaphorically stopped in my tracks by the most glorious rainbow i have ever seen. it arched completely across the sky. at its base, you could see through it to the hills behind, making it seem deceptively close. it was a complete spectrum, with the most brilliant purple i have ever seen in a rainbow. a faint second rainbow arced above it.

i am a sap. but that morning i was swimming in the post-charter emotions and excitement about the possibilities for my future ministries. i have had a fall full of both the best and worst of ministry that i have experienced so far, and many challenges. i have learned and i have grown, but there have been days i wanted to quit, days i wanted to cry and days i definitely didn't want to leave my bed--ever again. but with all of that, even in full awareness of the difficulty, the possibilities seemed endless and exciting.

and then the rainbow. being a seminarian and an increasingly dorky reader of scripture, i was taken to the story of noah. i am sure on that silly ark, he didn't always believe God would come through. he probably got bogged down by the weather, cabin fever, internal struggles, family drama... blah blah blah. but, God came through. God kept his promise.

i often don't think i would have fond mbcc without God. i know that i wouldn't have chosen ministry as a vocation without God. but those are not easy choices or easy places to be. but God keeps promises and covenants. God brings joy among the hard work, just enough to sustain me to keep on keepin' on.

so yesterday, life was all rainbows and i experienced the joy of a vocation of ministry.

"you are church"...

... the charge that Rev. John Anderson gave mbcc upon its chartering this evening.

i remember writing my faith statement for confirmation class. i labored over each sentence. before the profusion of computers, we wrote them out by hand and then received a typed copy from the church. we read the statements out loud, in front of our classmates, the parents and the elder sponsors. it was powerful to publicly claim our beliefs and join a community where we could embody those beliefs.

yesterday morning, we sat in the mbcc living room listening to beautiful life stories and professions of faith. i felt blessed to be in the circle, to grow through relationships with the people around me. as i heard these statements from my peers, i was taken back to my first profession of faith. i am not sure that my thirteen year old self understood the significance of what i was doing. because i still hold membership in the church where i was confirmed, i have never had to state my faith in front of my peers to join a church. it was a great privilege to be able to be present and bear witness to these steps on these journies. it reminded me why we do what we do. folding bulletins, cleaning up the sanctuary, the most mundane of tasks are all in hopes of encouraging and enabling these moments. engagement in this community has been a gift that has brought me great joy.

today, i stood in the back of the sanctuary as we celebrated these steps and as a community, took a step in our own journey. in the course of one service, mbcc became a chartered congregation of the PC(USA), welcomed 12 new members, ordained its first elders, and installed its first pastor.

and celebrated the third sunday of advent--joy.

throghout the service, i was emotionally, spiritually and intellectually struck by the transitions the community was making and the rituals we were using to mark them. i am still overwhelmed with love for this this community, and gratitude to God for bringing me here.

urban hike

an evening stroll through the sparkling streets of downtown san francisco, all lit and dressed to the nines for christmas, led us past a man on his knees. in the posture of penance, he begged for the spare change of people who were throwing hundreds of dollars at corporate retailers--and he knew it. in my polite WASP nature, never wanting to be a rubbernecker, i side stepped him, knowing i had no change in my pocket. his clear voice rang out above the din of the shoppers, the voice of a prophet, maybe even the voice of God with us, "you can shove your bags in my face, but you can't give me change."

i sidestepped God tonight. i should know better.

emmauel

glitter jesus courtesy of amy borzio-andrews.

this morning, on an innocent walk through borders looking for journals for MBCC, i had a vision in the form of a plastic, glitter covered jesus bank.

yes, you deposit your spare change into jesus.

and i am without a good segue into what i really want to say about jesus, so here goes.

i have been pondering what jesus means to me lately. it has come up over and over again as something i need to articulate in faith statements, etc. and yes, my jesus is probably covered in glitter (but it would be purple glitter) but that is besides the point. for me, the dominant characteristic of the jesus who is a savior for me is jesus as emmanuel... God with us.

jesus is unique because jesus was a manifestation of God among us, with us, through is. divinity lived in a human body. divinity got cranky when he was hungry as a child, divinity needed to take naps. divinity required both time alone and time with people. jesus stubbed his toe, got hangnails, and gave hugs. he felt hunger and thirst. he gets it.

sitting in our closing ritual of our leadership class, i was reflecting on what gives me confidence to be a leader, what makes me able to get in front of a room full of people and preach, what alows me to talk to people i do not know and the answer is emmanuel. God with us. i don't think i could do ministry without an immanently present God. and often, God with us is what makes me able to get on a plane when i am scared, to say i am sorry when i am wrong, to relaize i am wrong, and to reach out in love to others.

God with us.

peace

i had a flashback to high school this morning when i got dressed. i put on a long sleeved t-shirt, and over it a t-shirt with a fancy logo promoting a social justice cause. that was my school uniform for those lovely teen days. what an appropriate day for that to happen.

ten years ago today, i spent my evening at a teeny tiny candlelight vigil that my high school's chapter of amnesty international hosted every year in honor of the anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. this declaration goes far beyond our famed declaration of independence and far beyond our legendary bill of rights. the thirty articles provide protections that are necessary to the health, happiness, and dignity of each and every human being on this planet. these thirty articles were way a head of their time. they are way ahead of our time. many places, including this country of mine, do not give all of these freedom's to all of the people within their jurisdiction.

so what do we do? when i was in high school, i focused on my free energy on that very question. i wrote weekly letters all over the world demanding human rights for those with no voice (of course through our amnesty chapter). we made a giant banner (twenty feet tall) made out of copies of those kinds of letters to show the school what kind of work we did. we even wrote hundreds of names on the schools sidewalks of current prisoners of conscience. we formed a gay straight alliance at our school, to protect and accept those who could not fully be who they were on our campus. we tutored kids after school and rehabbed housing. i honestly have no idea where the energy came from.

to this day, i don't know what, if anything, changed about the world because of the efforts of some suburban kids in Ohio. maybe nothing. but i changed. we changed. these very activities were the activities that led me into ministry. this very history... my dirty hippie days, which some say are not over... keep me accountable about how i spend my time, now. i need to be true to the dignity God gave me by respecting the dignity of others and encouraging the systems of the world to do the same.

often, i feel i have stumbled off my soapbox. i look around and can't even find it amongst the trappings of my adult life. so today, on this glorious anniversary, i wrote a letter to a minister (not the kind of minister i might be when i grow up) in Sudan in response to an urgent action amnesty so gracious sent to my in box. i want to continue to do so. if i could write one a week in high school, i should certainly be able to write two a week today...

...if not more.

relief?

i am supposed to feel this great big sigh of relief as the semester comes to a close. but somehow, i am still missing that feeling. i have a gotten a glimpse of it a couple of times, but then it flutters away. mostly i feel exhausted. i have bags under my eyes and am just plain tired and worn out.

i wonder about God's response to exhaustion, sluggishness and weariness. i am not very kind to myself when it comes along.

i also find it harder in this season with so much activity. it can be so hard to just stop and rest. when i do, i feel certain i have missed out on something or am dreadfully behind.

on sunday, leslie challenged us to use prayer mroe often as a tool for both inner and global peacemaking. i know she is right, and i know that is one of the few things i can do to battle the exhaustion that will not make me even more tired.

so this post is a prayer, for rest for all those who are tired, for energy for all thsoe who are sluggish and for strength for all those who are weary.

insomnia

last night i couldn't sleep. i had two tests today. neither of which i was particularly concerned about (they were open book and last night, i figured if i haven't learned it by now, i am not going to). but even without conscious test anxiety, i could not sleep. i wanted to just jump out of bed and take the test that second. i so desired that feeling of finishing, i so desperately wanted that relaxation that could only come after the exams, that i just wanted to get it over with.

this ignores a big reality: that the tests themselves were experiences i could learn from and as such should not be rushed but relished.

but even with that attitude, even knowing that now, where do i find peace while i wait? it seems whether i am waiting for the good or the bad, the beautiful or the ugly, the exhilarating or the devastating, i only know how to wait in anxiety.

"see the home of God is among mortals. he will dwell with them; they will be his peoples and God himself will be with them. he will wipe every tear from their eyes. death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more for the first things have passed away."
revelation 21:3-4.

i wait for justice. i wait for healing. i wait for love. i wait for God.

God promises that the first things will pass away, but how do i wait for that reality not in anxiety but in peaceful anticipation? what do i do when the hope fo teh promise is not enough to bring peace?

sometimes i think i find peace in the bus[i]yness. if i move fast enough, if i do enough things to prepare, i will not notice that i am worried. for example, if i study hard enough (whether i need to or not) i will feel like i am doing something toward finishing the semester and so will not actively worry while i wait. but are these actions just empty? does that lead to a real life of peace? is that co-creating with God? doing my part to bring an end to pain? or is it trying to control, to play god, to numb my own pain?

peace amidst the flurry

A voice of one calling:
"In the wilderness prepare
the way for the LORD;
make straight in the desert
a highway for our God.

Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.

And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
isaiah 40:3-5

this evening i was joyfully reminded of why i am doing the work that i am doing.

just at that moment when i thought i was too tired, when i thought that the stress was going to overwhelm me, when i saw myself beginning to lose the love that needs to infuse ministry, the Spirit appeared. at the beginning of the evening, i thought i needed a vacation, a break, to step back so that i could start fresh. at the end of the evening, i left wishing i had church twice a week, cause once wasn't enough. what happened?

of course there was the "stuff" of church--a thoughtful and comforting message by leslie veen, heartfelt advent/christmas music by our ever changing band, good people i love to see and hang out with. but it wasn't just that. it couldn't have been just that. cause my funk was feelin' bigger than could be conquoered by all that (it is the end of the semester after all).

it wasn't just that. it was the experience of God among us, the experience of the Word made flesh, that brought my back home, to that comfortable place in my own skin.

And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.

and it was. and that is why i file papers, pay bills, run errands, send emails, set and re-set the sanctuary. every now and then i need reminded.

hope at work

lately, my biggest hope that the work i will do in the world will not be self-involved and irrelevant is the flourishing of new church developments in the PC(USA). yes, apparently staid and static churches like mine plant churches. yes, we try new ways of doing things. and sometimes it even works.

the Spirit can still move in a denomination, and the Word is made flesh in exciting ways by new ministries.

so, this video is my offering to that hope, and your invitation to the chartering of the new church development that i work for--misson bay community church. on dec. 14th, we will graduate, grow up and get kicked out of the nest. be there.

if you can't play the video, check out "all growed up" on our youtube channel.

the hardest kind of hope (for me)

in this liturgical week about hope, i have been looking each day for what i put my hope in. sometimes putting hope in God is easy... but when i do, sometimes i wonder if i confuse God with god. thing is, if we need it bad enough, we can theological construct the kind of god we need in order to have hope. but is that God? does it matter if we are able to find that hope we need anyway?

for me, it seems a lot harder to put hope in people. people are what they are. the realities of our humanity cannot be ignored. but everyday, in every relationship, we are asked to put hope in other people. we put our hope in other people's goodness. we put our hope in other people's love and best intentions. in the church when we fight, we put our hope in the fact that we all love jesus.

but we are disappointed time and again when things and people do not go our way. and again, we have to cultivate that hope. and then we are hurt. and we have to cultivate that hope again. over and over and over again for our entire lives.

from where does that hope come? is it from God, as God made our goodness? is it from Jesus, as he showed us what it means to be love?

baby steps

isaiah 42 describes the servant of the lord, in whom the nations put their hope. this servant does not shout, does not climb on a soapbox, does not coerce or manipulate to make change. the servant will not break the smallest reed--and by extension, will not hurt people in the transformation process. "in faithfulness, he will bring forth justice."

in such servants of the Lord, we can put our hope. and today, i witnessed such servants of the Lord.

i got to sit in on the communications and meetings committee of the presbytery of san francisco. to all you non-presbygeeks out there, this is a lot more interesting than it sounds. this group frames the entire communal work of the presbytery that happens five times a year, as it decides where, when and how the meetings will take place.

anyone who has gone to a presbytery meeting (or ANY six hour meeting for that matter) knows that when hundreds of people meet, there is a high potential for boringness and irrelevance. people talk to long and assume that people are interested in things that they are not. everyone assumes their item or piece of business is most important, and occasionally people do not debate like adults.

but, presbytery has the potential to truly be church for its members and commissioners. it is renew, sustain and empower the people who attend. it should bring glory to God through the faith filled ways that people relate and make decisions. this commitee is doing what it can to move presbytery meetings away from irrelevance and toward relationality.

presbytery meetings in san francisco will start to look very different. there is not longer a paper packet sent to every commissioner. the website is a place to connect. there will be a coffee cart, and an emphasis on making needed connections during meetings--even if it happens during "business." there will be more time to talk, get to know people and engage, and less time spent listening. there will be more ways to bring your message to the presbytery in creative and engaging ways.

these are small moves in the world, when you leave the bubble of presbyterian life. but, they are moves just the same. moves i can put hope in, work for, that we might transform the world... at least a little.

advent musings continued

in my attempts to be intentional with this season, i am trying to make time each day to spend with God. that may translate into daily blogposts, as i have found that over the last eighteen months of my blogging, it is a spiritual discipline that motivates me, allows me to organize my thoughts, and makes accountable to a community. this is my humble offering.

in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. in him was life, and that life was the light of all people. the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

john 1:1-5

as john often is, this section to me is theologically obtuse, and yet poetic. the rhythm of it is greek is artful. but it is anything but direct about the nature of jesus. of course, artful poetic language is rarely direct. so it is what it is.

light feeds everything. i can breathe oxygen because sunlight allows plants to produce it. exposing my skin to the sunlight encourages my body to produce its own vitamin d. i am warmed by the sunlight, both physically and spiritually. but even as i absorb the light, i reflect the light--that reflection is how other people and beings are able to see me. the reflected light is taken in by their optic nerves and translated into an image.

so it is with jesus. i hope to both absorb--to sustain me--and reflect--to change the world--the light that is his life.

the advent of advent

i love advent. always have. when we were little, we marked it with advent calendars and an advent festival at our church. but what did we anticipate? a lot of presents, good food, and family... but mostly the first two.

as an adult, i am cultivating a new appreciation for and love of the season. moving far away from home has helped with this. advent has become hopeful expectation of a homecoming that accompanies Christmas. the love and quality time that comes at christmas, the reconnection, the re-cultivation of roots, for me it is a true experience of Emmanuel, because God is love... and home is love.

but this year i hope to go deeper still. i want to use the hopeful expectation, the energy that comes from anticipation to grow me closer to the God we symbolically wait for. i want to cultivate my sense of God around me and the ability to discern the Word made flesh.

some of this comes from feeling like i am in an advent season in my life. i am close to graduation, but am not there yet. i am getting closer and closer to the possibility of ordination, but at not there yet. i am growing in my leadership and ministry, but have certainly not arrived yet. not yet, not yet, not yet. but my life feels pregnant with hope for the future... and feeling i hope to learn to wallow delightfully in, rather than rush through.

and so, i point my face toward God among us and say, as Mary did in Luke 1, "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me according to your word."

is it murder?

again i am amazed by the moral dialogue on boston legal as i am catching up on episodes saved on my dvr. i, for one, am fascinated by moral arguments and much prefer to engage with the hypotheticals on television because, well, i like to avoid real conflict.

the two issues up for debate on the episodes we watched tonight: abortion (roe, originally aired on 11.10.08) and the death penalty(kill, baby, kill, originally aired on 11.17.08). you can watch them online at

now, in the abortion episode, denny made one of the most astute observations of the abortion debate i have seen--partially because i felt it was true about me. he noted that ardent defenders of roe v. wade may be doing so out of their own need to justify a moral position that they are not sure that they can defend otherwise. out of security, they cling to this case. i know that i value life and the dignity of life to the last drop. but, i also do not know the best way for a secular justice system to make rules that uphold those values. i am not pro-abortion, but support the legality of abortion and women's access to it. too many women die from back alley abortions when abortions are illegal--and these are not the women in our society who are enfranchised and whose voices are heard. so what to do? give women the choice, council them and support them to choose life when they can (emphasis on support them). that is particularly my responsibility as a future (current?) religious leader of some sort. it is a complex, complex issue that i am not confident of my position on. denny's observation was an incisive look at the reality of the rhetoric and the complex layering of issues around abortion. in the face of such complexity, the only simple support for my secular, civil, pro-choice stance is roe v. wade.

and the death penalty issue. in this episode, the defendant was a prison guard who was observing an execution that went horribly wrong. the prison guard, after seeing a man conscious, convulsing and gasping after thirty minutes of being hooked up to the iv, shot the man in the head--which killed him instantly. the episode explored the question of whether this is murder. if the state was already in the process of killing the man, but due to a malfunction, was unable to do so and the man was suffering, is it murder? is it the moral choice of an individual when they individual is carrying out a sentence that the state is royalling screwing up? is it murder when the victim is in the midst of dying a slow painful death at the hands of the state? i am deeply against the death penality, but as it is the law in many states in this country, how do we handle it when it goes wrong? what do you think--is it murder?

these episodes are raucous adventures into parts of the moral landscape that sometimes even the church is unwilling to explore honestly.

well done, boston legal, well done.