sermon in a box

i was supposed to get home last night to be able to preach at a friend's church at 11 am this morning. alas, this was not to be as bad weather somewhere in the country screwed up southwest's flights everywhere in the country. and so, after posting, this sermon will go in a box for another time. here is what i had:

the nines for Christmas, led us past a man on his knees. In the posture of penance, he begged for the spare change of people who were throwing hundreds of dollars at corporate retailers--and he knew it. In my polite white anglo-saxon protestant nature, never wanting to be a rubbernecker, I side stepped him, knowing I had no change in my pocket. His clear voice rang out above the din of the shoppers, the voice of a prophet, maybe even the voice of God with us, "you can shove your bags in my face, but you can't give me change."

I sidestepped God tonight. I should know better.

Anna and Simeon did not sidestep God. They did not fail to recognize divinity in the most fragile of human forms. They listened to God, were in touch with the Holy Spirit, and so knew the Christ child when the saw him.

We rarely focus on these two characters in the Christmas story. They come after the shepherds, the manger, and all the other accoutrements of the scene that looks so nice represented on a Christmas card or on an ornament on our Christmas tree. I imagine that most of you could tell the story of Jesus being born in a manger and being visited by the angels in your own words, from knowledge deep in your heart, but probably few of you could tell this story. And yet, Anna and Simeon have so much to teach us about our relationship to the Christ.

The story opens with Mary and Joseph, proud and beaming parents, going through the religious rituals proscribed by their culture upon the birth of their first son. These are the exact same rituals that all new parents would go through. Nothing would have distinguished them from the crowd at the temple giving offerings. To the common observer, the would have looked just like any other young, first time parents—probably a little worn around the edges from the sleepless nights, but imbued with a joy that could not be suppressed even by the most sleepless of nights. But, somehow Simeon picked them out of the crowd.

What do we know about Simeon? Very little. He was religious and devout. He was so connected to the Holy Spirit that he believed he would see the Christ before he died. His friends probably thought him crazy. His family probably did too. They may have known about the prophecies of the Christ, but to assume that you have heard from God that you yourself would see the Christ? But he did. He waited, he found the Christ child, he prophesied about him to his parents, and then he was at peace with God.

Mary and Joseph marveled at what was said about him. They were new parents. They were probably still marveling at the way he yawned, he way he showed them he was hungry, the way he cuddled up on their chest and fell asleep. And in the midst of those tiny miracles, this man, how had never seen the child, who was without the benefit of the visit of angels or shepherds, was recognizing divinity in this small child. He recognized a Savior.

And then they encounter Anna. Luke’s description of her is more full than his description of Simeon. Anna is a widow, who has been without a husband much longer than she was ever with a husband. We know from other parts of the Bible that often widows were among the most helpless in Biblical society. They had no way of supporting themselves. If they were able to go back to their father’s home, they may find familial support, but not all widows could make it back. And so without a family to devote herself to, this widow devoted herself to God. She spent all of her time in the temple, worshipping, fasting and praying.

One thing stands out to me about Anna. While Simeon was told—directly by the Holy Spirit—that he would not die until seeing the Christ, his savior, Anna did not have the benefit of such a prophecy. She didn’t know she was looking for God manifest in an infant. She did not expect to see Emmanuel. But, she saw him anyway. She recognized him, out of the blue, wrapped in his loving mother’s arms. And her response was one of gratitude to God for this tiny child. But she did not stop there. She spoke the good news of this child to all who needed it. She preached about her encounter with Emmanuel, her experience of God with us, to all who needed redemption in Jerusalem.

Often when I look back at things that happened in my life—this incident with the man in downtown San Francisco, time of pain and fear over health crises in my family, healed relationships, that sort of thing—I think I can recognize God. In hindsight, I can see how God was working. But, Anna and Simeon did not need hindsight. They recognized Jesus while in his presence. They knew they were in front of the Christ just by looking at him. And so I am left to wonder how I can recognize the Christ and respond, right there on the spot and they did.

(questions I would have asked...) What stands out about Anna and Simeon that may have helped them to recognize this tiny baby as the Christ, the savior of Israel and all God’s people?

What can we do to recognize Jesus in our midst?

What is your response when you do recognize Jesus?

If I had recognized the presence of Jesus in that man that I walked around in San Francisco, what might I have done?

How are our lives changed when we recognize Jesus for what he is as Anna and Simeon did?

The passage from Isaiah that we read this morning guides us in thinking about one way we may respond to encountering the goodness of God. The end of chapter 61 describes that goodness, but in the beginning of chapter 6, the writer responds to what God has done. And it is a fairly simple response: he or she cannot keep quiet.

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,

for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,

till her righteousness shines out like the dawn,

her salvation like a blazing torch.

Just like Anna, after an encounter with Emmanuel, we cannot keep quiet. We must proclaim the good news that we have heard, seen and experienced. We must share the love of God that we experienced through Jesus with others, until it shines out like the dawn.

But, lets go back to this incident on the sidewalk. Preaching at this man would probably have not been the right response. Standing next to him and preaching at the crowd would probably have not been effective either. Proclaiming the gospel is not always done directly or with words. I could have found money to put in his cup. I could have stopped, dug through my pockets and given him what I found. Or, I could have simply stopped and recognized him, his plight and his needs. Given him a smile. Wished him merry Christmas. Told him I hoped it would get better and that I would pray for him, despite have nothing to give. Even without money, with the love of God, there is always something to give.

And so this Christmas my Christmas hope: that I can learn from Anna and Simeon, that I can cultivate a life of worship and prayer, so that when I encounter Emmanuel, I can respond right then and there, as God calls me to.

the art of racing in the rain

The body and the mind are seamlessly who we are. The body and mind are equally important in our identity. To truly believe in God with us, a God embodied in humanity, is to also accept this truth about ourselves. To live in faith, to walk with God with us, we must live in and from both our body and our mind. I have always favored the mind. I cultivate it, please it, train it, teach it, rest it, care for it, value it. It is the part of me that I always felt defined me and so I favored it, seeing my body often a weaknesses, am impediment, something to be overcome or ignored.

But this Christmas, as I live with the appearance of God in the most vulnerable human form, a story, a narrative, a popular novel, showed me this truth and this flaw in my faith.
In The Art of Racing in the Rain, Enzo understands the fluidity of body and mind, the finds that to truly live is to live into that truth, surpassing the ego when harmony is achieved. Only then can you race in the rain.

The timing of this story showed me how little I trust my body, how I abuse my body, how I refuse to listen to it and even fight it. I should work with my body, cultivate it as I cultivate my mind, and consider it an asset, rather than an obstacle. This is a matter of faith. In I cannot trust my body, which I believe God made, how can I believe in and follow a God who was and is embodied? How can I learn to walk on this planet as Emmanuel did if I cannot acknowledge the physicality of that walk?

That first night, Jesus slept. His tiny, fragile, new body needed rest, just as my body needs rest now. He sighed, cried, breathed as I do. Without these and many more physical actions, he could not have been the spiritual being he was. Without these and many more physical actions, I cannot be the spiritual being I am called to be.

christmas question

what i shall ponder during christmas...
what does it mean that the prince of peace is Emmanuel... God with us?

advent journeys

i started advent in hopes of writing everyday, taking time out, slowing down and spending time with God, waiting.

i am still waiting. the eve of christmas, though bringing us the Christ child, does not bring me what i wait for... or does it? i long for direction, for stability, for a path to follow Jesus that i understand. what i miss that in this process of discernment, i am there, even as i try to get there.

the art of racing in the rain is a book written from the perspective of a dog named enzo (ironically the name of my parents' dog) whose owner in a race car driver talented at racing on wet tracks. from this trade, enzo has learned that to be in the present moment is often the way to best deal with the past and the future. this is what is required to race in the rain, without fear, with confidence and hope.

the insights of this dog teach me about my own journey. i can't get so busy looking ahead, afraid of what will come, that i miss where i am what i am doing, and am unable to react clearly to the bumps in the road.

if i sit in the stability of being on a journey, moving forward, if i find God in the movement, if i understand the ways that the Word is made flesh in the process, i can keep moving, even when i feel like i am still in advent, always waiting, and not quite there yet.

tail or wings?

sitting around a kitchen table tonight, in a spot that i have occupied on and off for well over a decade, i debated whether the appropriate choice for an additional appendage would be a tail or wings.  what would be the benefits and function of each?  how would they look?  the father of the house noted that we should not be drinking wine.  we should be drinking coke.  we should not be twenty-six, we should be eleven.

once or twice a year now, i have the pleasure of being with the other three quarters of the fearsome foursome all at once.  friends since middle school (one i have be bff's with since kindergarten), we are scattered and never seem to occupy the same places two years in a row.  we are sisters and friends.   we are a part of each others families.  we have laughed and cried. been to weddings and funerals.  picked each other up from falling apart. laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.  

i learned love from my family.  but i learned that you could choose to love people, long term, from these most fabulous ladies.  there have been rough patches, big and small petty and dramatic, but it is in that circle where i pounded out my identity.  sometimes, these three ladies bore the brunt of that process... and they kept on loving me anyway.  they didn't have to.  we are not related. i don't have to see them at christmas or the awkward family function.  it would be easy to drift apart or break up, as happens with friends from long ago life stages.  but we haven't.  here we sit, each moving at different paces in different directions (with equal passion and verve) but all having paused to breathe each other's air, be recharged, to keep on keepin' on.  they helped me discover who i am... gifts and liabilities, pretty and ugly... and keep shaping me today.  

so in this week, when i ponder the love that brought God incarnate to walk among us, i experience that love around that table, in that circle as i carry it with my on my many sojourns.

i picked wings.  kelly picked a tail.  sarah can't imagine wanting a fifth appendage. and cathy is mystified that we brought it up at all.  i think there was eye rolling as well.

ethical dilemmas

everyday we are faced with ethical choices that we do not even recognize as such. we make value choices all day every day that honor life around us or do not... and often are not even aware that a choice was made. what we eat, what we wear, how we talk to each other, how we drive, how we entertain ourselves... all are either laden with dignity or not.

in that way, it is true that ignorance is bliss. when we don't know, we cannot feel guilty. we will not feel bad, we will not want to fight. and often the fight is hard.

today i went to the bodies exhibition. i went unsure of what to think or how to handle it. i had friends who had seen it and had mixed reviews. throughout the galleries, i moved quickly often reading more than looking at the specimens. but, each painful disease, each part, i wondered about the pain it caused to the life that it ended. i honestly wondered if the sum total of this exhibit would increase or decrease respect for life. i really didn't know.

then online, my intrepid husband reads up on it. what did we do before the internet. turns out there are serious concerns about the origin of the bodies and whether the people who died really gave permission for the display of their body. some may have been prisoners or other unidentified bodies. and an american corporation is making money on showcasing the remains of people who had no one to claim them, no one who loved them--or know one to claim or love them that knew they had died.

so in this season of advent, when i am looking for the word made flesh, i think i encountered it today, in the form of people who had died on displayed. if jesus is the least of these, jesus was there.

what do i do to correct it? what to do i do to right this wrong? how to i cultivate my own ethics, my respect for life, over and over again, so that i see the significance of those invisible moral choices everyday?

i am legend

the world is quieter now. we can listen.

i am legend was not quite the movie that i thought it would be. not into vampire, crazy people creatures, esp. when there is some story about how they were once people. i am sure that those things will haunt me in my dreams now.

but, there was a theological gem tucked inside. the story surrounds robert neville and his three year fight against this virus that has taken over humanity. when all hope seems lost, a woman and child find him. their appearance coincides with finding a cure to the virus that can heal the "vampires".

at one point, this woman says that God sent her. and God is sending her to vermont. Will Smith (mr. robert neville) says there is no God. she holds out that God is speaking and the world is quiet enough now for him to listen. he dies in a literal blaze of glory after giving the woman the cure ot the disease and charging her to save the world. he said he was listening now.

so the theological gem? he had been listening the whole time. he may not have known it, but he was listening the whole time. he had an intense rountine that kept him sane. his scientific approach to a problem of humanity tested, re tested and re tested a treatment with courage. this would not have been possible if amidst the craziness, he hadn't heard a voice telling him it was possible. in the movie, that voice is bob marley singing "three little birds" but i also think, given the theological dialogue in the movie, the repeated practically biblical references to dark and light, that it is not too much of a stretch to say he had been listening the whole time.

and that is why... he is legend.

or, it is what i want to see in the movie b/c it was just a little too freaky, it is advent and i am looking for the small voice of God wherever i can find it. who knows.

but, i just may sleep with the lights on.

context

landed in the midwest last night. a mere 24 hours later, i feel a little frustrated with myself.

i think i am a creature of habit more than i like to admit, but not in the ways that many people are. i don't have routines. i do not have to always have coffee or read the paper when i get up. i rarely get up at the same time each day. my schedule is too erratic. during the school year, no to days in a week look the same. and yet there are certain habits i have cultivated that keep me in a rhythm throughout the hecticness and randomness of my daily life.

i spend a lot of time alone in the car. takes me forty five minutes to get to school twice a week, next semester it will be three times a week (in january... five times a week). i live 20-30 minutes away from work, but sometimes, it is an hour commute in traffic. occasionally i go from school to work or vice versa and spend more than two hours in the car in a day.

this used to frustrate me, but i have found ways to spend that time well. often i sing. i have cds of songs that i love to croon to (some are jesus songs). i find music to be meditative... even when i am rocking out. singing usually leads to praying. and if that traffic is a moderate level of crazy, then by the time i get where i am going, i have re0charged what introvert batteries i have, spent some time with God, or prayed. california's cell phone law (only talk if hands free) has really helped this out.

i do not know how to translate those times and spaces when i am out of my routine. i do not know how to find space for myself, i don't know how to find time to pray, i do not know how to spend time with God.

i need to find a way to make that space wherever i go. i am inspired by the text that was the scripture for our sunday service:

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 thessalonians 5:16-18

prayer is connected to having joy. a sense of gratitude is connected to having joy. God wants us to be able to live in joy. but it takes work. i have to be willing to do the work adn find creative ways for me to do it... habits be damned.

as i am outta my routine for ten more days, let me know if you have any ideas, suggestions, admonitions, thoughts or whatever that may help.

joy to the world

we often tease that life is not all puppies, kittens and rainbows (esp. at snarky mbcc).

but sometimes, life is rainbows.

this week's advent theme is joy. the sermon, the candle lighting, and indeed the whole service on sunday focused on how joy is amidst struggle. as i was pondering this yesterday, i was driving through a winter "storm" in oakland. for those of you outside the bay area, when we say winter storm, we do no mean what the rest of the means. this is not blizzard condition, lake effect or otherwise, snow-falling-two-inches-an-hour-can't-see-past-my-headlights weather at all. we are talking heavy rain for part of the day, temperatures in the 40s, occasional hail and snow above 1000-1500 ft. not what i call a winter storm, but when in rome....

as i was rushing from one meeting to another, frustrated at drivers who don't know what to do in rain and furiously texting about my lateness, i was metaphorically stopped in my tracks by the most glorious rainbow i have ever seen. it arched completely across the sky. at its base, you could see through it to the hills behind, making it seem deceptively close. it was a complete spectrum, with the most brilliant purple i have ever seen in a rainbow. a faint second rainbow arced above it.

i am a sap. but that morning i was swimming in the post-charter emotions and excitement about the possibilities for my future ministries. i have had a fall full of both the best and worst of ministry that i have experienced so far, and many challenges. i have learned and i have grown, but there have been days i wanted to quit, days i wanted to cry and days i definitely didn't want to leave my bed--ever again. but with all of that, even in full awareness of the difficulty, the possibilities seemed endless and exciting.

and then the rainbow. being a seminarian and an increasingly dorky reader of scripture, i was taken to the story of noah. i am sure on that silly ark, he didn't always believe God would come through. he probably got bogged down by the weather, cabin fever, internal struggles, family drama... blah blah blah. but, God came through. God kept his promise.

i often don't think i would have fond mbcc without God. i know that i wouldn't have chosen ministry as a vocation without God. but those are not easy choices or easy places to be. but God keeps promises and covenants. God brings joy among the hard work, just enough to sustain me to keep on keepin' on.

so yesterday, life was all rainbows and i experienced the joy of a vocation of ministry.

"you are church"...

... the charge that Rev. John Anderson gave mbcc upon its chartering this evening.

i remember writing my faith statement for confirmation class. i labored over each sentence. before the profusion of computers, we wrote them out by hand and then received a typed copy from the church. we read the statements out loud, in front of our classmates, the parents and the elder sponsors. it was powerful to publicly claim our beliefs and join a community where we could embody those beliefs.

yesterday morning, we sat in the mbcc living room listening to beautiful life stories and professions of faith. i felt blessed to be in the circle, to grow through relationships with the people around me. as i heard these statements from my peers, i was taken back to my first profession of faith. i am not sure that my thirteen year old self understood the significance of what i was doing. because i still hold membership in the church where i was confirmed, i have never had to state my faith in front of my peers to join a church. it was a great privilege to be able to be present and bear witness to these steps on these journies. it reminded me why we do what we do. folding bulletins, cleaning up the sanctuary, the most mundane of tasks are all in hopes of encouraging and enabling these moments. engagement in this community has been a gift that has brought me great joy.

today, i stood in the back of the sanctuary as we celebrated these steps and as a community, took a step in our own journey. in the course of one service, mbcc became a chartered congregation of the PC(USA), welcomed 12 new members, ordained its first elders, and installed its first pastor.

and celebrated the third sunday of advent--joy.

throghout the service, i was emotionally, spiritually and intellectually struck by the transitions the community was making and the rituals we were using to mark them. i am still overwhelmed with love for this this community, and gratitude to God for bringing me here.

urban hike

an evening stroll through the sparkling streets of downtown san francisco, all lit and dressed to the nines for christmas, led us past a man on his knees. in the posture of penance, he begged for the spare change of people who were throwing hundreds of dollars at corporate retailers--and he knew it. in my polite WASP nature, never wanting to be a rubbernecker, i side stepped him, knowing i had no change in my pocket. his clear voice rang out above the din of the shoppers, the voice of a prophet, maybe even the voice of God with us, "you can shove your bags in my face, but you can't give me change."

i sidestepped God tonight. i should know better.

emmauel

glitter jesus courtesy of amy borzio-andrews.

this morning, on an innocent walk through borders looking for journals for MBCC, i had a vision in the form of a plastic, glitter covered jesus bank.

yes, you deposit your spare change into jesus.

and i am without a good segue into what i really want to say about jesus, so here goes.

i have been pondering what jesus means to me lately. it has come up over and over again as something i need to articulate in faith statements, etc. and yes, my jesus is probably covered in glitter (but it would be purple glitter) but that is besides the point. for me, the dominant characteristic of the jesus who is a savior for me is jesus as emmanuel... God with us.

jesus is unique because jesus was a manifestation of God among us, with us, through is. divinity lived in a human body. divinity got cranky when he was hungry as a child, divinity needed to take naps. divinity required both time alone and time with people. jesus stubbed his toe, got hangnails, and gave hugs. he felt hunger and thirst. he gets it.

sitting in our closing ritual of our leadership class, i was reflecting on what gives me confidence to be a leader, what makes me able to get in front of a room full of people and preach, what alows me to talk to people i do not know and the answer is emmanuel. God with us. i don't think i could do ministry without an immanently present God. and often, God with us is what makes me able to get on a plane when i am scared, to say i am sorry when i am wrong, to relaize i am wrong, and to reach out in love to others.

God with us.

peace

i had a flashback to high school this morning when i got dressed. i put on a long sleeved t-shirt, and over it a t-shirt with a fancy logo promoting a social justice cause. that was my school uniform for those lovely teen days. what an appropriate day for that to happen.

ten years ago today, i spent my evening at a teeny tiny candlelight vigil that my high school's chapter of amnesty international hosted every year in honor of the anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. this declaration goes far beyond our famed declaration of independence and far beyond our legendary bill of rights. the thirty articles provide protections that are necessary to the health, happiness, and dignity of each and every human being on this planet. these thirty articles were way a head of their time. they are way ahead of our time. many places, including this country of mine, do not give all of these freedom's to all of the people within their jurisdiction.

so what do we do? when i was in high school, i focused on my free energy on that very question. i wrote weekly letters all over the world demanding human rights for those with no voice (of course through our amnesty chapter). we made a giant banner (twenty feet tall) made out of copies of those kinds of letters to show the school what kind of work we did. we even wrote hundreds of names on the schools sidewalks of current prisoners of conscience. we formed a gay straight alliance at our school, to protect and accept those who could not fully be who they were on our campus. we tutored kids after school and rehabbed housing. i honestly have no idea where the energy came from.

to this day, i don't know what, if anything, changed about the world because of the efforts of some suburban kids in Ohio. maybe nothing. but i changed. we changed. these very activities were the activities that led me into ministry. this very history... my dirty hippie days, which some say are not over... keep me accountable about how i spend my time, now. i need to be true to the dignity God gave me by respecting the dignity of others and encouraging the systems of the world to do the same.

often, i feel i have stumbled off my soapbox. i look around and can't even find it amongst the trappings of my adult life. so today, on this glorious anniversary, i wrote a letter to a minister (not the kind of minister i might be when i grow up) in Sudan in response to an urgent action amnesty so gracious sent to my in box. i want to continue to do so. if i could write one a week in high school, i should certainly be able to write two a week today...

...if not more.

relief?

i am supposed to feel this great big sigh of relief as the semester comes to a close. but somehow, i am still missing that feeling. i have a gotten a glimpse of it a couple of times, but then it flutters away. mostly i feel exhausted. i have bags under my eyes and am just plain tired and worn out.

i wonder about God's response to exhaustion, sluggishness and weariness. i am not very kind to myself when it comes along.

i also find it harder in this season with so much activity. it can be so hard to just stop and rest. when i do, i feel certain i have missed out on something or am dreadfully behind.

on sunday, leslie challenged us to use prayer mroe often as a tool for both inner and global peacemaking. i know she is right, and i know that is one of the few things i can do to battle the exhaustion that will not make me even more tired.

so this post is a prayer, for rest for all those who are tired, for energy for all thsoe who are sluggish and for strength for all those who are weary.

insomnia

last night i couldn't sleep. i had two tests today. neither of which i was particularly concerned about (they were open book and last night, i figured if i haven't learned it by now, i am not going to). but even without conscious test anxiety, i could not sleep. i wanted to just jump out of bed and take the test that second. i so desired that feeling of finishing, i so desperately wanted that relaxation that could only come after the exams, that i just wanted to get it over with.

this ignores a big reality: that the tests themselves were experiences i could learn from and as such should not be rushed but relished.

but even with that attitude, even knowing that now, where do i find peace while i wait? it seems whether i am waiting for the good or the bad, the beautiful or the ugly, the exhilarating or the devastating, i only know how to wait in anxiety.

"see the home of God is among mortals. he will dwell with them; they will be his peoples and God himself will be with them. he will wipe every tear from their eyes. death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more for the first things have passed away."
revelation 21:3-4.

i wait for justice. i wait for healing. i wait for love. i wait for God.

God promises that the first things will pass away, but how do i wait for that reality not in anxiety but in peaceful anticipation? what do i do when the hope fo teh promise is not enough to bring peace?

sometimes i think i find peace in the bus[i]yness. if i move fast enough, if i do enough things to prepare, i will not notice that i am worried. for example, if i study hard enough (whether i need to or not) i will feel like i am doing something toward finishing the semester and so will not actively worry while i wait. but are these actions just empty? does that lead to a real life of peace? is that co-creating with God? doing my part to bring an end to pain? or is it trying to control, to play god, to numb my own pain?

peace amidst the flurry

A voice of one calling:
"In the wilderness prepare
the way for the LORD;
make straight in the desert
a highway for our God.

Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.

And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
isaiah 40:3-5

this evening i was joyfully reminded of why i am doing the work that i am doing.

just at that moment when i thought i was too tired, when i thought that the stress was going to overwhelm me, when i saw myself beginning to lose the love that needs to infuse ministry, the Spirit appeared. at the beginning of the evening, i thought i needed a vacation, a break, to step back so that i could start fresh. at the end of the evening, i left wishing i had church twice a week, cause once wasn't enough. what happened?

of course there was the "stuff" of church--a thoughtful and comforting message by leslie veen, heartfelt advent/christmas music by our ever changing band, good people i love to see and hang out with. but it wasn't just that. it couldn't have been just that. cause my funk was feelin' bigger than could be conquoered by all that (it is the end of the semester after all).

it wasn't just that. it was the experience of God among us, the experience of the Word made flesh, that brought my back home, to that comfortable place in my own skin.

And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.

and it was. and that is why i file papers, pay bills, run errands, send emails, set and re-set the sanctuary. every now and then i need reminded.

hope at work

lately, my biggest hope that the work i will do in the world will not be self-involved and irrelevant is the flourishing of new church developments in the PC(USA). yes, apparently staid and static churches like mine plant churches. yes, we try new ways of doing things. and sometimes it even works.

the Spirit can still move in a denomination, and the Word is made flesh in exciting ways by new ministries.

so, this video is my offering to that hope, and your invitation to the chartering of the new church development that i work for--misson bay community church. on dec. 14th, we will graduate, grow up and get kicked out of the nest. be there.

if you can't play the video, check out "all growed up" on our youtube channel.

the hardest kind of hope (for me)

in this liturgical week about hope, i have been looking each day for what i put my hope in. sometimes putting hope in God is easy... but when i do, sometimes i wonder if i confuse God with god. thing is, if we need it bad enough, we can theological construct the kind of god we need in order to have hope. but is that God? does it matter if we are able to find that hope we need anyway?

for me, it seems a lot harder to put hope in people. people are what they are. the realities of our humanity cannot be ignored. but everyday, in every relationship, we are asked to put hope in other people. we put our hope in other people's goodness. we put our hope in other people's love and best intentions. in the church when we fight, we put our hope in the fact that we all love jesus.

but we are disappointed time and again when things and people do not go our way. and again, we have to cultivate that hope. and then we are hurt. and we have to cultivate that hope again. over and over and over again for our entire lives.

from where does that hope come? is it from God, as God made our goodness? is it from Jesus, as he showed us what it means to be love?

baby steps

isaiah 42 describes the servant of the lord, in whom the nations put their hope. this servant does not shout, does not climb on a soapbox, does not coerce or manipulate to make change. the servant will not break the smallest reed--and by extension, will not hurt people in the transformation process. "in faithfulness, he will bring forth justice."

in such servants of the Lord, we can put our hope. and today, i witnessed such servants of the Lord.

i got to sit in on the communications and meetings committee of the presbytery of san francisco. to all you non-presbygeeks out there, this is a lot more interesting than it sounds. this group frames the entire communal work of the presbytery that happens five times a year, as it decides where, when and how the meetings will take place.

anyone who has gone to a presbytery meeting (or ANY six hour meeting for that matter) knows that when hundreds of people meet, there is a high potential for boringness and irrelevance. people talk to long and assume that people are interested in things that they are not. everyone assumes their item or piece of business is most important, and occasionally people do not debate like adults.

but, presbytery has the potential to truly be church for its members and commissioners. it is renew, sustain and empower the people who attend. it should bring glory to God through the faith filled ways that people relate and make decisions. this commitee is doing what it can to move presbytery meetings away from irrelevance and toward relationality.

presbytery meetings in san francisco will start to look very different. there is not longer a paper packet sent to every commissioner. the website is a place to connect. there will be a coffee cart, and an emphasis on making needed connections during meetings--even if it happens during "business." there will be more time to talk, get to know people and engage, and less time spent listening. there will be more ways to bring your message to the presbytery in creative and engaging ways.

these are small moves in the world, when you leave the bubble of presbyterian life. but, they are moves just the same. moves i can put hope in, work for, that we might transform the world... at least a little.

advent musings continued

in my attempts to be intentional with this season, i am trying to make time each day to spend with God. that may translate into daily blogposts, as i have found that over the last eighteen months of my blogging, it is a spiritual discipline that motivates me, allows me to organize my thoughts, and makes accountable to a community. this is my humble offering.

in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. in him was life, and that life was the light of all people. the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

john 1:1-5

as john often is, this section to me is theologically obtuse, and yet poetic. the rhythm of it is greek is artful. but it is anything but direct about the nature of jesus. of course, artful poetic language is rarely direct. so it is what it is.

light feeds everything. i can breathe oxygen because sunlight allows plants to produce it. exposing my skin to the sunlight encourages my body to produce its own vitamin d. i am warmed by the sunlight, both physically and spiritually. but even as i absorb the light, i reflect the light--that reflection is how other people and beings are able to see me. the reflected light is taken in by their optic nerves and translated into an image.

so it is with jesus. i hope to both absorb--to sustain me--and reflect--to change the world--the light that is his life.

the advent of advent

i love advent. always have. when we were little, we marked it with advent calendars and an advent festival at our church. but what did we anticipate? a lot of presents, good food, and family... but mostly the first two.

as an adult, i am cultivating a new appreciation for and love of the season. moving far away from home has helped with this. advent has become hopeful expectation of a homecoming that accompanies Christmas. the love and quality time that comes at christmas, the reconnection, the re-cultivation of roots, for me it is a true experience of Emmanuel, because God is love... and home is love.

but this year i hope to go deeper still. i want to use the hopeful expectation, the energy that comes from anticipation to grow me closer to the God we symbolically wait for. i want to cultivate my sense of God around me and the ability to discern the Word made flesh.

some of this comes from feeling like i am in an advent season in my life. i am close to graduation, but am not there yet. i am getting closer and closer to the possibility of ordination, but at not there yet. i am growing in my leadership and ministry, but have certainly not arrived yet. not yet, not yet, not yet. but my life feels pregnant with hope for the future... and feeling i hope to learn to wallow delightfully in, rather than rush through.

and so, i point my face toward God among us and say, as Mary did in Luke 1, "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me according to your word."

is it murder?

again i am amazed by the moral dialogue on boston legal as i am catching up on episodes saved on my dvr. i, for one, am fascinated by moral arguments and much prefer to engage with the hypotheticals on television because, well, i like to avoid real conflict.

the two issues up for debate on the episodes we watched tonight: abortion (roe, originally aired on 11.10.08) and the death penalty(kill, baby, kill, originally aired on 11.17.08). you can watch them online at

now, in the abortion episode, denny made one of the most astute observations of the abortion debate i have seen--partially because i felt it was true about me. he noted that ardent defenders of roe v. wade may be doing so out of their own need to justify a moral position that they are not sure that they can defend otherwise. out of security, they cling to this case. i know that i value life and the dignity of life to the last drop. but, i also do not know the best way for a secular justice system to make rules that uphold those values. i am not pro-abortion, but support the legality of abortion and women's access to it. too many women die from back alley abortions when abortions are illegal--and these are not the women in our society who are enfranchised and whose voices are heard. so what to do? give women the choice, council them and support them to choose life when they can (emphasis on support them). that is particularly my responsibility as a future (current?) religious leader of some sort. it is a complex, complex issue that i am not confident of my position on. denny's observation was an incisive look at the reality of the rhetoric and the complex layering of issues around abortion. in the face of such complexity, the only simple support for my secular, civil, pro-choice stance is roe v. wade.

and the death penalty issue. in this episode, the defendant was a prison guard who was observing an execution that went horribly wrong. the prison guard, after seeing a man conscious, convulsing and gasping after thirty minutes of being hooked up to the iv, shot the man in the head--which killed him instantly. the episode explored the question of whether this is murder. if the state was already in the process of killing the man, but due to a malfunction, was unable to do so and the man was suffering, is it murder? is it the moral choice of an individual when they individual is carrying out a sentence that the state is royalling screwing up? is it murder when the victim is in the midst of dying a slow painful death at the hands of the state? i am deeply against the death penality, but as it is the law in many states in this country, how do we handle it when it goes wrong? what do you think--is it murder?

these episodes are raucous adventures into parts of the moral landscape that sometimes even the church is unwilling to explore honestly.

well done, boston legal, well done.

artist statement. pics to come.

advent begins. the wait is on. so is this thing that will grow in the 32 ocean sanctuary for MBCC and OAPC over the next month. despite the fact that i am without pics at this moment, here is my artist statement.

throughout the narratives of the people of God, the night sky plays a role--from the creation of the night, to the God's promise that abraham's descendants will be as numerous as the stars. in the story of God made flesh among us, the stars set the stage for the revelation of the angels to the shepherds and lead the magi to the Christ child wrapped in his manger.

it is in the darkest of night that we can feel most alone. but we are not. jesus is that light that shines, that beckons us toward God. it is the light of jesus that we reflect to the world when we do God's work, when we fulfill our covenant with God.

but, advent is the season for waiting for the light. we anticipate it. we grow excited. it is not yet here, but we know have faith that it will come. we are still in the dark, though the light begins to break through.

the dressing of the sanctuary represents all of these complexities of this season. as we grow closer to the birth of the Christ child, the colors will change, the hope will grow. as we grow closer to the reality of the Emmanuel, more and more light will fill the sanctuary. i hope that the dressing of the sanctuary will encourage you to meditate on these themes, grow closer to God throughout this season, and bring glory to the Christ child who will join us soon.

time audit

so the jobs that i work are those kind of part time jobs with vague descriptions of how many hours to work, and a task list inevitably longer than the hours available. discernment is key, especially when finals start to loom over head, and fun holiday things tempt me to stop working (a good thing in my book).

which makes me want to ponder how i do spend my time at work and the effect that it has. now there are days, in my radical seminarian brain and heart, that i want to give up the institutions and spend my precious hours devoted to ministry directly serving people. cooking for the hungry, tutoring small children, that sort of thing... sexy ministry (when compared to admin anyway). it is what jesus did right? and we are called to do what jesus did...

this week i found myself doing something sexier that my usual admin work: dressing the sanctuary for advent. up and down ladders (that made me a little nervous) running around the space, i spent hours being fussy with the way the fabric was draping. finally happy with the way that it looked, and with my plan to make it grow over the course of the season, i cleaned up.

so, in total, this week, i spent somewhere around 10-12 hours procuring supplies, installing and perfecting the advent decor. now, some of this time was put into infrastructure that i will never have to repeat, but all the same, when you are only "supposed" to work 15-20 hours a week, that is a lot of time. is it worth it?

for many people, the space is just a space when worshiping. don't matter what color, what texture, what lighting, it will feel the same to them. for others, (like me) the space can speak volumes about theology, set a mood, welcome the Holy Spirit and glorfiy God... if we are lucky, all at the same time. But are enough people in the second category to make the time and the work worth it? as much as i like my art to be about me, this is an art form i practice that is not about me, it is about the community and facilitating the community's experience. this will be our first advent in a space like this, so i am anxious for feedback.

right now, i agree with Georgia O'Keefe...
"i foud that i could say things with color and shapes that i couldn't say any other way--things i had not words for."

this will be my first advent sermon ever, and it will have no words.

when there are no words

this week i have learned that i chose (am called to?) a profession where i will have to speak at times when no words are adequate. times of great sorrow and great joy are often beyond what we can quantify and qualify with our words. any attempt to do so pales in comparison.

so what do we do when there are no words? when there are no answers?

i watched my distinguished boss preach at his brother-in-law's funeral today. his first sentence: we shouldn't be here.

sometimes a simple truth is enough. we shouldn't have been there. he shouldn't have died and he certainly shouldn't have died as he did. to acknowledge that is a powerful use of few words.

the sermon continued, the most honest and powerful response to death that i have heard at a funeral.

even when there are no words, sometimes we need the words. to work out the pain, to reach out to each other, to find God in the darkness.

i imagine there will often be times in my career, again and again, where there are no words. i hope for the grace of God, the strength of the Holy Spirit and the presence of Jesus that i witnessed today in those times.

statements of faith

yesterday i gave a statement of faith to my polity class in a mock presbytery meeting where i was being examined for a fake first call.

to stand in a sorta pulpit and declare what you believe is a powerful thing. people do it metaphorically all the time, and i wonder if, despite my hoped for profession, if i do it enough.

two "statements of faith" that i admire:

"you believe in a witness based on the historic tradition of scripture but also the lived experience of today, and so do I." read the rest of this incredible speech by bill moyers here.

in this video, cornel west says nothing about God, but i believe he speaks deeply to faith.

a statement of faith should be a call to action, because faith is alive. these are both calls to action.

so i put before you the faith statement i presented yesterday for your feedback.

I am in constant revolution, being made and remade each day by God. This is the reality of my faith and my call. But, the roots of my faith could not grow deep and strong without being grounded in a deep and abiding belief loving and living presence of the Triune God.

I believe in a Triune God is to believe in a God, who, by God’s very nature, is in relationship.

God is here. God is present. God is real. God engages in the world, and God moves in the world.

Jesus was God with us—Emmanuel. Both human and divine, his birth, life, death and resurrection show us how to live, while saving us at the same time.

The Holy Spirit is God’s presence among us now. The Holy Spirit empowers us to live faithfully and allows us to experience God in our midst.

Our salvation—given by God’s abundant grace and love—through the life, death and resurrection of Christ Jesus, allows us to live together with God, both right now, and forever.

In our baptism, God claims us. Our hearts are sealed with the love of God, and we are adopted into God’s family in a new way. We become heirs to the kingdom. The adoption is a covenant that comes with significant responsibility for caring for that kingdom and working towards the reality of that kingdom here on Earth. Each time we experience the baptism of someone else, we are reminded who we belong to.

At the Lord’s Table, we renew that covenant. We experience the presence of God among us, feeding our bodies and souls for the work God calls us to in the world. At the table, we remember our salvation, remember the life of Christ, and are empowered to live into the calling.

I believe that we are made in the image of God, thus by our very nature, we are created to be in relationship—because by God’s very nature, God is in relationship. We are made to be in relationship with God and in relationship with each other. This is the calling of the church—to nurture both relationships. These relationships must follow the pattern given to us by Christ. We are to love God, each other and ourselves with everything we have. We are to love the least of our brothers and sisters, even above ourselves, caring for their earthly needs as Christ did. We are to radically forgive each other and ourselves. When we follow Jesus, we live the life that God’s call us to.

Each one of us is a lovingly created child of God, and if we fail to recognize that in each other, we fail to recognize God.

watching a new session be born

on december 14, 2008 mission bay community church will be chartered as a congregation of the PC(USA). as such, the churches leadership will transition from being a steering committee to being a session, and we will ordain our first elders.

in some ways, this is a simple bureaucratic change. but yesterday, sitting with our elders-to-be during our first preparing to be a session retreat, i realized it is so much more.

our eldest elder will be thirty one. our youngest (just by guessing) is an undergrad. more than one person expressed some surprise as being called to this position of leadership in the church. many expressed pride and excitement at the opportunity to serve our congregation and the denomination.

i am taking a presbyterian polity class right now, and this was the most exciting polity moment of the semester so far. when we started to talk about the book of order, what it means, and how we can use it, they got excited. they want to make their voice heard in the denomination. they want to use the avenues available for transforming the church.

and i have never been in a committee, leadership team, or other similar meeting that was so fun (well, maybe an mbcc staff meeting). three and a half hours flew by. the room was often filled with laughter. seriously, i think the state of the global church could be vastly changed if meetings were more fun.

what if once a year, every presbytery birthed one new, fun, excited session (on thereby one new, fun, exciting church)? how different would we be, would the world be?

it can be hard from the inside to understand the significance of insignificance of something accurately. at times, the presence of mbcc, its chartering, its session, feels small. at other times, it feels huge. i think it remains to be seen what the true significance of this community may be. today, i am not sure that it matters. for me, it is the place where i find God. it is the place where right now i am called to serve God. this seems to be the case for a number of fabulous and interesting people. that is enough for me.

rachel getting married

talk of God comes in the most surprising places sometimes.

rachel getting married is not the comedy i thought it was, but it was a beautiful and intense movie that was worth every second. anne hathaway should get major props (and i love to see people who are essentially my peers who are so imspirationally talented). anyway...

rachel, addict working her steps, says at a meeting... "i don't know if i can believe in a God who can forgive me." in her struggle to confront her past, she is also confronting God. learning to live with herself is also learning to live with God. and sometimes the goodness of God is the hardest part to understand--or believe.

i struggle with those same things. an angry God who holds me to account for each an every error, each and every slip up, each and everything i hate in myself, makes such perfect sense that i can buy into it. it is making God in the image of myself... when in fact it is we who are made in the image of God.

believing in God's goodness can be so hard because (for me) it also means believing in my own goodness...

the joy of democracy

"we have never been just a collection of individuals... we are and always will be the united states of america."

to live in a democracy is not just a privilege, it is a responsibility.

and a joy. today it was a joy.

today was election day. i woke up before dawn to report as a poll volunteer for the no on eight campaign. at ten, i strolled to my polling place to vote, then to at election day service at PSR's chapel. lunch and back to the poll for a couple hours to wave a sign and talk to people.

i got the bug. i was inspired. every where i looked, people were getting off their ass and doing something about what they believed. i needed to be one of them.

and here i was, standing with strangers, for a common cause, finding things in common we never guessed would be the case. talking to voters, sharing a vision of community. i was standing outside a berkeley poll... and no, every voter wasn't voting no on prop eight. many of the no on eight voters said "well this is an easy place to stand." yea maybe. but, as the campaign told us, EVERY VOTE COUNTS. doesn't matter where is was cast. the more no votes we get in berkeley, the better. the more people we ensure aren't confused by the campaigns, the better. and no matter how they voted, we told every person who came out of the poll: "thanks for voting." because every person, whether they agree with me or not, deserves to be thanked for making the effort to have their voice heard, for participating in the democratic process. we are not just individuals. we are a community--the UNITED states of america.

"put there hands on the arch of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day."

a four year old, going with her mother to vote, as soon as she saw me, said "OBAMA!"

i heard stories of independent identity developed through political opinions. i heard stories of love that transcend civil law.

these stories bend history. these small faces learning to vote today, will continue to bend history.

"change has come to america."

i learned about community today. i learned how to put myself out there. i learned how to listen, how to open up, how to smile, and what a smile and a thank you can mean. you cannot build community inside your apartment. you cannot serve God completely inside your church. we have to step out.

"this victory alone is not the change we seek, it is the chance to make that change...new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice... where each of resolves to pitch in and look after not only ourselves but each other."

i have to step out. i cannot take what i learned today, what i learned in seminary, what i learned in san francisco, what i learned from my family, from my parents, from my hometown and NOT change. i cannot NOT do anything. i have to change how i live now, tomorrow, not being the same when i wake up each day as i was the day before.

"that is the true genius of america. that we can change."

amen, Mr. President Elect, amen.

quotes from the 44th President of the United States speech from Grant Park upon his election

TOMORROW...

beloved

recently, i was asked what i think the people need most... why the church exists. everyone has a different answer to this that is deeply rooted in their theology and moral anthropology.

reformed theology is famous for its understanding of the person as totally depraved. even when not overtly preached, it often undergirds our prayers and hymns. in my experience this has bred unhealthy self-criticism, low self-esteem and an inability to see the gifts God has given us to serve the world.

so what do i think people need most? what do i think the church needs to say the most?

you are God's beloved child. God loves you. we love you.

period. no if and or buts. just that. God loves you. We love you.

all the rest is totally messy and worth wading through, but is a conversation and journey we can take together. no one has to do it alone.

my heart was filled as we sang last night at mbcc:
"i am your beloved
your creation
and you love me as i am.
you have called me chosen."

i am God's beloved. God has called me chosen.

what a difference that makes. i will try to carry that song in my heart this week to remember when i am feeling whiny, pouty, tired, or just worn out by the wet weather.

love letter to mbcc

last night we went to a halloween party full of church folk. it was a blast. but what we both noticed upon leaving was how surrounded by people of like mind we were. we are not used to that... in ohio and indiana that tends not to be the case, and despite being in the bay area for two years, it is still ocassionally surprising.

don't get me wrong, mbcc is not particularly political from the pulpit (or at least we try not to be)... or even in our congregational life. as a community, we talk about hunger and other relatively safe justice issues, but try to keep the rough issues to a minimum. we are authentic in our attempts to be open to different perspectives and make room for people who disagree with us.

of course, there has been an obama shirt on someone almost every sunday for months. in the primary season there were lots of hilary supporters too.

what impresses me about the mbcc crowd most is there political engagement outside of the congregation. one lawyer was telling beautiful stories from volunteering for a national hotline that helps first time voeters figure it all out. another young woman has volunteered (what seems to me a lot) for no on prop eight and will be spending her tuesday for that cause. a doctor in our crew was quoted in defense of a teenager's right to have an abortion without telling her parents--a position he holds with thought, integrity and faith.

this gang challenges me to be more active. to take opinions and turn them into a lifestyle. to be engaged on a deeper level. to use my faith to change the world.

this is definitely one of the ways that mbcc is a communion of saints.

food, fasting and prayer

i was invited by a friend to spend the week before the election fasting and praying for the votes.

i was also invited by some presbyterian group on facebook to fast this weekend) in some form in prayer for the global food crisis. more info on what they are doing is here.

so tomorrow, i am fasting until communion at our evening service. fasting means many things to many people and the pcusa resources suggest finding something that works for you. it has been a long time since i fasted for something at specified intervals. but, when i did, i found it to be a consciousness-raising, prayer inducing practice. so here i go, tomorrow, only beverages (probably just water and tea) until the lord's supper.

reasons i am doing this:
1. how would the world be different if before major decisions we all stopped and prayed, meditated, thought or just listened for a day? fast on sunday, vote early on monday.
2. we live in a world with enough food, but many, many people are still hungry. i need to engage that somehow.
3. this summer i met people who on a regular basis have to decide whether to feed their children or pay their rent. that is tragic.... but i felt like, what could i do?
4. my relationship with food is awkward and dysfunctional. i want to improve it, eat more healthfully and consciously, but am often overwhelmed by where to start.

i appreciate the challenge from my friend and my community to take this on, even a little at a time.

"day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts." acts 2:46

this is my hope. that i can learn to eat with a glad and generous heart... and that everyone all over the world has the opportunity to eat every day with a glad and generous heart. this is why i will fast.

join me... apparently pcusa is doing this once a month (first weekend of the month) and i am going to try to as well.

we are the church

tuesday i stood on the steps of calvary presbyterian church in san francisco yelling

"say no to eight--vote no on prop 8!"

largely surrounded by a crowd of presbyterian clergy. this is my church.

for those of you who are out of state, proposition eight changes the california constitution to exclude gay marriage--the existence of which has frustrated conservatives since the california supreme court determined marriage for same sex couples was a fundamentally protected right under the state constitution. the only way to stop it is to change the constitution.

though the presbyterian book of order defines marriage as between a man and a woman, i an deeply thankful for the freedom of conscience provision that allows dissent... and even compels it.

i have pondered that moment on the steps for days, thinking some grand revelation of its meaning would come to me. but i have none. it was a quiet demonstration, compared to some i have been to. it was really a press conference. what was said was affirmed by those in the crowd and those wandering by on the streets. i was reminded that we are all God's children. that God affirms love. i am not sure i heard anything new.

but often the revolution is quiet. often change doesn't come with earthquakes bone-rattling thunder or tidal waves, but with whispers. perhaps the real power of this moment for me was in its subtlety and peace.

some of my more favorite videos for the cause are here and here. one more reason i LOVE ugly betty.

i was in a pulpit?

yesterday i preached my first sermon from a pulpit as a guest preacher as ocean ave. presbyterian church, MBCC's new roomies. not as scary as i thought it would be. and OAPC was fun.

lectionary texts i picked: matthew 22:34-40, 1 thessalonions 1:1-10.

so if you are curious.... here it is (well the typed manuscript version, which is mostly follow).

Who can forget one of the most humorous and painful to watch gaffes of the presidential election… when Senator John McCain was asked how many houses he owned. You know the reporter would not have asked the question if he didn’t already know the answer. That reporter knew that the Senator would look ridiculous if he knew and answered and correctly… and even more ridiculous if he didn’t know. He was trying to trick him, to trap him, to expose him in public. That was not unlike the situation Jesus found himself in the middle of in this passage. The religious think tank, the old boys club, saw their power threatened and wanted to expose him for the flake they thought he was.

And yet his answer is not one that is a big surprise.

It comes from Deuteronomy 6:4-6, which says:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart.

The Pharisees were not uneducated. They knew exactly where in the Torah Jesus was pulling that commandment from. They could probably recite it as readily as he could. They may have even given the same answer to that question (and probably hoped he would not be able to answer to well and so quickly). He probably passed the test.

But Jesus didn’t stop there (did he ever?)…

When they asked for one commandment, he gave them two.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Jesus always gives us more than we ask for and never the easy answer.

Do you think that is the answer they wanted to hear? Sure wasn’t the easy answer. If it were me, one of those commandments about the number of things to sacrifice, the measurements of the temple, the festivals to celebrate would be what I wanted to hear. Now those are some commandments I can jive with. Formulaic. Direct. Simple. God gave specific instructions and all I have to do to be a faithful person is follow them. All this love stuff—it is just straight up messy.

But … Jesus didn’t stop there. Do you think you could hear the groan from the crowd when he kept going?

On these two commandments hang the law and the prophets.

Loving God and loving my neighbor as myself… just that, sums up all these books in the beginning of the Bible? All that Old Testament stuff boils down to this? Really? Really.

Despite the concise and succinct nature of these two commandments—you can teach them to a five year old—they are anything but simple. You and I both know that the work of loving God with all you heart, soul, and strength is a life long process and challenge. The work of loving both your neighbor and yourself is equally as arduous. This ain’t easy stuff folks. The whole law and everything all the prophets ever said hangs on these two tasks. For thousands and thousands of years, millions and billions of people have tried to live up to these standards and in all that time, we are left with only one perfect example—Jesus, the one who handed these commandments to us as priorities in the first place.

It is exhausting to try to wrap my head around this—much less my heart or my life.

So let’s break it down a little. What can we, in this room, in this building, do about this commandment, as a community?

Y’all are at an interesting point in your history—as is Mission Bay Community Church, the faith community I am a part of. After decades of ministry in your own space, your own community, your own neighborhood, suddenly you are sharing all those things. After years of flitting and bouncing from one location to another, we have to look at a new space and try to commit to making it our home, maybe for the long term. We are moving in together. It is like siblings who always had their own rooms sleeping in bunk beds. Or a couple that lived in different states cramming into a studio apartment. This is a movement of magnitude.

But as communities, we have discerned that this is where God wants us to be. God called you to open your doors, and God called us through those doors. We have both discerned that this is the move we need to make to follow that first commandment Jesus gave us. But, as we are following that first commandment, we are in a unique place to follow that second commandment.

Which brings us to Paul’s first letter to the Thessalonians, the first reading for this morning.

First, a little context. All over the near Eastern world, parts of Asia and part of Europe, churches were springing up. What was once a movement where everyone knew each other could not longer be a tight knit community. By the grace of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit Christ the movement had exploded as followers were carrying the love of God all over the world. Communities that were once closely related and bound together found their relationships loosening as more and more communities came into the fold. In this process, they also started to diversify and disagree. Followers traveled between communities encouraging each other and inspiring each other, and resolving disputes. But, as more and more Christ following communities were established, there were more and more communities that needed attention, and so letters became a tool for building up and inspiring each other as well. The distance did not diminish the relationship of love between Christ followers and their communities. This is one such letter.

All over the letter, Paul addresses the Thessalonians as beloved—and he does so authentically. Paul can be a little over he top… this love gets drippy and cheesy sometimes, but it deep and truthful love just the same.

Throughout this passage, Paul praises and praises and praises the work and faith of the Thessalonians. They are steadfast in their hope and labor in love. They imitate God, despite being persecuted, chased and harassed for it. The word of God speaks through their faith. Some of this that Paul is praising them for he heard of second hand, and the stories were so amazing, he needed to let them know what the impact of their work had been. He even says that they turned to God from idols, to serve a living and true God. Given where they lived and the religious landscape of the time—when Caesars were God themselves and most folks had a cultic religion they followed—this is a big deal. Paul love, love, loves these folks. He is amazed by the work they are doing, wants to promote it, support it, and join in on the fun—whether in person or in spirit.

We are not unlike these communities. We are a part of the same fold, and now we share the same space, but we have different callings. The call of the Thessalonians was to serve their community. The call of Paul kept him from participating in that particular call but does not diminish the authenticity of that call and the vitality of that work. God’s call to the community of Ocean Ave. Presbyterian Church is not the same call as God’s calls to Mission Bay Community Church. God calls us to different work; but, God calls us to love each other’s communities as we love our own.

What does that look like? The first few verses of first Thessalonians flesh that out for us.

Paul tells the Thessalonians that they are always in his prayers. So, we, too, can remember each other in our prayers. Prayer is a powerful tool to build relationship with God, but it is also a powerful tool to build relationships with other. In prayer, we can listen and look of God moving in these relationships. In prayer, we can recognize the blessings of God around us. In prayer, we can learn to love each other. Prayer allows us to be thankful to God for the presence of the other community and the work they do.

Paul also notes that he sees God at work in the Thessalonian community and that even he, Paul, can learn from their ministry. And so, we can look at the ways that the word sounds forth from the other community. We can learn from each other’s joy and sorrow, each other’s faith and hope, each other’s service to the true and living God. The two communities that are now sharing this space occupy different places in God’s kingdom and serve God in different ways. When we recognize how the other community is faithful, our own faith grows. This is the first step to deeply loving each other. When we can see God working the Holy Spirit moving and Jesus blessing another community, we can love that community—as we love our own.

Just as the earliest Christians needed each other, we need each other. Mission Bay needs Ocean Ave. When we were without a home, you opened your doors. As we look to find roots as a faith community, as a young church, we can look to you to see how it has been done. As we begin, in the life of our church, to look outward more than inward, we can learn from all the ways that your community has served the Excelsior and continues to serve the Excelsior. I hope that we bring as much to this partnership as you do.

When the Pharisees asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was, they got more then they asked for. There may be times that this move, this partnership, feels like more than we asked for, but who knows, when we truly and deeply love each other, we might find that all of our ministries grow as a result of this relationship that God called us into.

whatta weekend

was in vegas all weekend, mostly without internet. so when the need to blog came upon me, i old schooled it in a notebook at the sportsbook with the colts game in the background. my thoughts on last week's lectionary passage from matthew (22:15-22):

the jist: should we pays taxes? yes. give therefore to the emperor the things that are the emperor's and to God the things that are God's. what in my life belongs to God?

so much of life--good and bad--is not as simple as it seems. the saducees asked a questions that to the onlookers probably seemed straightforward. the romans were the oppressors, so to pay taxes is to the complicit in your own oppression (if you were jewish). but to jesus, that was not the issue as hand (with jesus is the simple questions ever the real questions?). so i am left to ponder what in my life can i really render unto God?

there are interesting questions to ponder in vegas. floating all around me is money, money money, and symbols for money. given a literal interpretation of this lesson, it is only appropriate that the house usually wins, as the casino's picture is on the chips... So if all the money in the room (in the bars, the casinos, the hotels, the resorts) isn't God's what is?

the people.

as with many things, i am not wholesale against gambling. i make a fair attempt at live and let live. i don't think a legalistic approach to ethics and morals does anyone any good. but why is this my approach? is is a real stance or just liberal wishy washy indecision not wanting to hurt anyone? turns out i can find that answer in this passage from matthew.

if the money is not God's, we can play with it when it is just consenting adults playing. Are there better ways to spend money? for me the answer is yes, but i cannot decide that for anyone else. when it is not just a game--when people fall apart, when families fall apart, when mortgages cannot be paid, when someone loses their self-respect, that is when gambling is problematic for me. when gambling hurts what is God's--people--it is wrong.

so if i can remember who i belong to, i will be more apt to respect myself and make good decisions. and hopefully enourage others to do the same.

climbing on my soap box

just so that we are straight-- i have been against the death penalty since as long as i could remember. i write my first research paper, in eighth grade, on the issue of the death penalty and read some fascinating stuff from all sides of the issue. but, i stand firm. for me, killing at the hand of the state is still murder. jesus asked us to turn the other cheek, and walk the second mile. this seems like it translates into rehabilitation instead of retribution in the criminal justice system. (and then there is the eighth amendment). For folks for whom those two arguments don't work, the numbers show that the death penalty is not a deterrent... and it ain't even cheaper than keeping someone in prison for life.

every now and then, there is a story from death row that makes headlines and is so heart wrenching that i can hardly hold my lunch in for the inner turmoil the tragedy causes. Such is the case of troy davis, a man that the state of georgia is preparing to execute. seven of the nine witnesses whose testimony he was convicted upon have recanted. there is no murder weapon. there is no physical evidence. The death of police officers in the line of duty is tragic--but so is the execution of someone wrongly convicted of a crime.

though the georgia state board of pardons and paroles has refused clemency, we still need to urge them to change their mind before it is too late. you can take action here.

stepping off my soap box now. maybe if you are lucky, i will get down off my high horse too.

have you ever seen a rat swim?

standing on the shores of the potomac, amazed by the silence, the stillness, the smoothness of such a body of water, a splash disturbed my peace. i looked down and less than two feet away from my toes, a small mammal was making its way through the water. being of ohio (and california), i thought, ooo... a river otter! or beaver! but no... it is too small and look at the skinny wretched bare tail snaking through the water, it's a...

RAT!

i had to contain my repulsion. you see, in one of my cali apartments, when i would sit in the bedroom on my cell phone with folks from back home (it was the only room in the place with reception), i would look out the window and watch the rats scurrying around the dumpster, along the ivy covered wall and up the drain pipe. in one sitting, i once counted over half a dozen rats.

and so this rat, breast stroking with beads of water rolling down her back, her tail swishing to do its part of the work, seemed entirely unnatural--from my perspective. to me, rats were natural in amongst the garbage, in the nooks and crannies of place built for me, hanging on as scavengers of a bigger life being lived.

but this rat (as all rats) was not made for the dumpster, but for the shores of the potomac. God made this rat to live in beauty, not squalor.

is this not also how we see each other? making wild assumptions that we are where we are for a reason, when in fact God made us all for the beauty, not the squalor?

this little rat pushes me to change the way i see everyone, slowing before i judge and approaching everyone as God made them... not as i choose to see them, or defined by the environment they occupy.

thoughtful thursdays

this is my 150th post. weird. so i decided, since i need some more Jesus, some more Bible and so more discipline in my life, to make an attempt at a weekly ritual... coined cheesily thoughtful thursdays (i am sure that the title will die when the this turns into a when-i-get-around-to-it-during-the-week ritual).

so each thursday, i am going to make an attempt at ruminating on one of the lectionary passages for the week.

this week: matthew 22:1-14, the parable of the wedding feast.

"For many are invited, but few are chosen."

the killer thing about the lectionary (when it doesn't skip over the hard passages) is that it makes you confront the words that makes you squirm. having just spent as evening getting jazzed about opening up the church to the least, the last and the lost, and i am more than a little distressed to see..

"For many are invited, but few are chosen."

... especially being one of those presbyterians who hasn't quite figured out the just way to understand predestination/election. i want it to say, for many are invited, but few choose to come. that i would get. but, few are chosen? how do i understand vision of God with the vision of God in the prodigal son? with the Jesus at the well with the Samaritan woman? with the sermon on the mount?

in this parable, for not wearing the proper clothes (to an event he had not been invited to ahead of time i might add... where was he supposed to get the proper attire?) the man was tossed out on his a$$ "into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

pardon?

"For many are invited, but few are chosen."

so here is what i learned from my too short meditation on this passage:
1. God is a mystery.
2. often, so is scripture.
3. my brain ain't always (if ever) enough to figure it out.
4. community helps.
5. so does prayer.

so if you have any insight into this one, let me know. if not, i will ponder it til next week...

spiritually stagnant

in august, i was privileged to co-facilitate a bible study once a week for the month. during that month, i engaged the biblical text in a way that is as disciplined as i get.

now, i don't have a small group. i am not in any classes that engage the text in spiritually and i am not preaching very often. so i find myself without the relationship to the text that drives me and can keep me healthy.

what about the small group encouraged me to relate to the text?

1. the women i worked with brought insights to the text that i could not find alone... each week challenging me to work back into texts that i thought i knew.
2. there was some accountability... needing to be able to articulate to the group where I saw God during the week and realizing that others cared about my spiritual health and integrity.
3. our discussion every week got me more and more excited about the bible... and kind of excitement i cannot seem to sustain on my own.
4. intentional communal prayer every week in a smaller group than my church fed my personal prayer life.

so i want to stop trying this on my own... gonna look for a small group. i need more disciplined pray and study. i need to balance. i need the challenge. i need the greater understanding of the work i do.

keep me to it.

one body one hope

There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

ephesians 4:4-6

unity is a concept that gets tossed around... but what does it really mean when we talk about bodies (both communities and our own bodies)? so i want to think in terms of wholeness... wholeness that is true to our one hope and one calling, as individual bodies, and corporate bodies.

right now, i am living anything but one calling. today felt like one of those days where i am mired in multiple callings, unable to fully respond to any of them. i try to "unify" my art, my education, my ministry, my work, somehow in my being, but i come up feeling pulled in different directions.

and then i look at the wider body of christ that i am a part of... the PCUSA. it too is pulled in many directions, and may be pulled apart. but where is our wholeness? in the midst of our debates, have we lost our ability to be whole? to live as whole individuals and as a whole body? does sacrificing this wholeness to a debate mean we are not living up to this scriptural calling? would we better be whole as two bodies?

how does that tension apply to my life? in this same way, i have my foot in a bunch of communities right now, and it is tearing me to shreds. i feel like i cannot serve any of them, or myself for that matter, as best i can, and yet, i will be in "liminal" place for almost two more years. so how to deal?

one God who is over all and through all and in all...

if they meant all, really all, then i can learn to live in this liminal place. it may take time to find that wholeness, but God is in it all.

can the PCUSA learn to live... whole... in a liminal place filled with tension? i just don't know.

this thing called leadership

so mission bay community church says good bye to the big silver box @ 1040 mariposa this week and says hello to 32 ocean.

and this week i sat in my organizational leadership class and tried to define a "christian congregation." what a mess. i have experienced christian congregations, but trying to put that experience in a small box of a few specific words is difficult--especially when you have a tendency to get bogged down in post-modern deconstruction. but it was an extremely fruitful conversation for it messiness, and the true messiness of the concept is what i took away from the conversation.

so if it is hard to define "congregation," it seems even harder to me to define congregational leadership, the role of a congregational leader, or what i should be as a congregational leader. and in this move process, i find myself (whether jumping in or being thrown in i am not sure) making decisions, supervising work, packing boxes, cleaning... all kinds of ways i guess i manifest my congregational leadership. some of these ways have been surprising for me. i had to trust myself (and God for sure) as i spent thousands on new carpet--a color no one but me had seen yet. the following day, i realized that there was just as much leadership required to sweat out the moving of furniture, books, and whatever else we found to prepare to have the carpet installed. and to work on negotiating sharing space, meet new people i will be in a new kind of community with (as two "congregations" will be sharing church space)... the list goes on.

this moving process is teaching me what leadership is and what a congregation is ways the discussion in class never will--but in ways that would be seriously less significant without the discussion in class. i am deeply grateful for the "congregation" at mission bay that is allowing me this experiment, this trial and error, this growth, in leadership... and those many folks in the congregation that model leadership for me. i didn't lift boxes alone.

on that note... shout out to shannon powers, our most fabulous move coordinator, queen of the transition. and ricky, tammie, simona, as well as the janitors and the staff @ ocean ave. presbyterian church for short notice help preparing the space for the carpet.

succulent wild women in the ministry

during the last two weeks of my organizational leadership class, we have heard from three very different lady pastors. rev. patricia de jong at first congregational berkeley, rev. lynice pinkard at first congregational oakland, and rev. sharon macarthur at sycamore congregational.

i didn't know any women in pastoral leadership growing up... not until college. the presbyterian church had long (ish) been ordaining women, but i didn't see any models. i grew up with parents who told me time and time again i could be whatever i wanted to be when i grew up, but i didn't dream of being a pastor.

and here i am, with three women, three saints, who have stood before me and told their stories. they each use their own gifts, follow their own call, and are leaders in their own way. they are models for me not for any particular skill, but for the way that they embody God's call and the life of Christ.

so i lift these names as saints and thank them for their presence, ministry and the way they have inspired me.

uplift your saints. be a saint for others.

(cheesiness officially finished for the day i promise).