i am superwoman

erasing all evidence of myself from our last apartment, wondering why anyone ever prefers white walls to any color, and admiring the way that brushstrokes give life to the color "linen," i jammed alone to a playlist entitled "girls who kick ass" on my hot little iPod. it gave me the grace of alicia keys' superwoman.

everywhere i'm turning nothing seems complete

i have learned to pick up and move at the drop of a hat. me, who lived in the same home from age five (or four?) until college (and even returned for a post-wedding week with my husband while we waited to close on our house). i who just three weeks ago went to the second dentist i can ever remember going to. i have always loved to travel but have always needed a home. i have learned to make home in whatever corner of the world i occupy at the moment. but that doesn't totally fulfill my need for home, for roots, and now i find my self unsure of where those roots will go down and when.

still when i'm a mess, i still put on a vest with an s on my chest

settled or unsettled, out into the world i go. reading, writing, drawing, preaching, feeding, typing, listening, wondering, hearing, loving, learning, screwing up. but i don't go alone.

and all my sisters coming together saying yes i will, yes i can.

a year ago at this time, i was coming out of a seminary performance of the vagnia monologues that i helped produce. i was surrounded by women that i learned from, who inspired me, who make me want to be a better, and who have made me a better minister (when/if i get to have that title). reflecting on that, i realize how often when i struggle with who i am, what i am doing adn where i am going, i am not alone. all my sisters come together in my memories, in my bones, as i struggle, and it is by the collective power of their passion, compassion, love and strength, that i can say, yes, i will, yes, i can.

so even though i am not a part of a v-day celebration this year, i live grateful to all my sisters, and the women who have come before me, who have made me who i am and who give me the strength to muddle through to become someone better.

words in italics are some of the lyrics from superwoman. buy the song. seriously.