moving on up

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

ephesians 3:14-19

this was the charge/prayer given to me by the moderator of the presbytery of Cincinnati, Rev. Tom York upon becoming a candidate.

earlier in the day, i met with the committee on the preparation for ministry. they asked my why i thought that i was specifically called to be a minister of the word and sacrament. i didn't know what to say. i was rather speechless.

i have trouble claiming what i have to offer the church, what i have to offer God. i felt stuck in early Moses-mode... but God, why me? i am slow of speech and clumsy with words and pretty much everything... and yet, here i am, in front of this committee, preparing to go in front of the presbytery, whatever am i doing here???

in between meeting with the committee and being examined in front of the presbytery, we worshiped. i gave up the worries to God, asking for something greater than me to be present with me in the meeting. i tried to be honest with myself about my passions and energies within the church, what i have given the church and what i am prepared to give.

i think it is sometimes hard to be honest with ourselves in positive ways when we come from a tradition that honors and expects humility and communal discernment and strength. it is hard to be honest with myself as a woman. it is hard to be honest about my gifts when surrounded by theologies and moral anthropologies that emphasize the depravity of humanity.

so i stood in front of the presbytery and talked about my energy, my vision of the gospel as an artist, and the way i hope to use that gift to interpret the love of God to folks who may not understand or connect with the traditional ways we express that love. and i believed myself, i believed in my call to serve as a minister of the Word and Sacrament in the PCUSA. I might have been the hardest one to convince in the room.

afterward, one of the commissioners came up and told me to be able to speak to my own gifts, to not hid my light, because it is that light, those gifts, that give glory to God.

Amen.

So, i embark on a new part of the discernment journey.