Friday, September 12, 2008

rollercoaster ride

the last twenty four hours for me has oscillated between hope and despair about my faith community, its future, and my place in it.

last night i attended the opening of the 2008 new immigrant ministries convocation. i was amazed by the global representation in the room, and the passion and energy for new ways of being the church. i was inspired to follow my own call, to reach across arbitrary boundaries we set up, and to more closely follow jesus. in short, i felt deeply hopeful about the PCUSA and my potential to contribute to it. a happy place to be having just changed my status in the ordination process to that of a candidate.

today i puttered about presbyland in my role as local assistant to the moderator. nevering have visited ournational headquarters, i met lots and lots of folks i can only hope to remember. i sat in on lots of conversations and attended the chapel service (led by the new immigrant ministry advisory committee... with a meditation by mr. vicemod, rev. dr. byron wade). i took a tour of the building. i got to know the staff that i willbe working with in the two years better. i shook the stated clerk's hand.

i am beginning to see the inside of the church and it ain't all puppies, kittens, and roses. there was a time in my life that i was disillusioned by what i saw at a congregational level. i have matured in my understanding about the local church and now know how to take the good with the bad. but i guess i have been wearing rose colored glasses in the last few months when i look at the life of the denomination, and there have been cracks, but they are being shattered and falling apart. the post-GA glow has faded and i find myself asking the hard questions about participating in a denomination that is (sometimes deeply) flawed.

i am going to have to deeply wrestle with this in the next year as a candidate, drawing boundaries between dedicating my life to God and dedicating it to an institution.

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