rollercoaster ride

the last twenty four hours for me has oscillated between hope and despair about my faith community, its future, and my place in it.

last night i attended the opening of the 2008 new immigrant ministries convocation. i was amazed by the global representation in the room, and the passion and energy for new ways of being the church. i was inspired to follow my own call, to reach across arbitrary boundaries we set up, and to more closely follow jesus. in short, i felt deeply hopeful about the PCUSA and my potential to contribute to it. a happy place to be having just changed my status in the ordination process to that of a candidate.

today i puttered about presbyland in my role as local assistant to the moderator. nevering have visited ournational headquarters, i met lots and lots of folks i can only hope to remember. i sat in on lots of conversations and attended the chapel service (led by the new immigrant ministry advisory committee... with a meditation by mr. vicemod, rev. dr. byron wade). i took a tour of the building. i got to know the staff that i willbe working with in the two years better. i shook the stated clerk's hand.

i am beginning to see the inside of the church and it ain't all puppies, kittens, and roses. there was a time in my life that i was disillusioned by what i saw at a congregational level. i have matured in my understanding about the local church and now know how to take the good with the bad. but i guess i have been wearing rose colored glasses in the last few months when i look at the life of the denomination, and there have been cracks, but they are being shattered and falling apart. the post-GA glow has faded and i find myself asking the hard questions about participating in a denomination that is (sometimes deeply) flawed.

i am going to have to deeply wrestle with this in the next year as a candidate, drawing boundaries between dedicating my life to God and dedicating it to an institution.